I was 33 years old and terrified that I was leaving a career that was my dream 5 years previous. I wanted to work in the wine industry and learn everything I could about it. This job took me all over the world where I met amazing people and experienced culture and cuisine. For a wanderluster with a palate for pinot, this was a dream come true.
I was so grateful and in awe of all the opportunities BUT something just wasn’t right.
Deep down, I was miserable. I wanted to travel on my own terms and write. I knew that writing wasn’t going to pay the bills, but I knew I had to try it. This concept was terrifying. I had created such security and my soul was begging me to leap. I edged up to the cliff, looked down and went right back to work several times.
I decided to take 2 years off and calculated my freedom number; the amount needed to sustain my simplified lifestyle for my temporary hiatus from work. I saved until I had what I thought was enough to support myself. Then, I stepped back to the edge of that cliff and I still felt my knees tremble, unable to leap.
My soul was relentless and the misery transcended anything amazing that was happening. There were promotions, trips and raises but my resistance caused more pain and left me feeling helpless and depressed.
Then, I realized no matter how many times I crunched numbers or made excuses, this calling was going to pursue me until I let go of the security and resistance and opened to the unknown.
The day I quit my job, I was nervous and excited. I had prepared a letter and walked into the office of the company president. This man was responsible for all the great things that I experienced with the company as well as mentoring me along the way. I was sad to deliver this message to him. As we spoke, he was gracious and understanding. I was so grateful. That moment solidified that I was making the right decision.
Immediately following that conversation, I felt the resistance fade and relief took over. I felt light and happy and excited to embark into the unknown.
Suddenly, I had the freedom I had so badly craved but felt fear creeping back in.
I knew that if I didn’t squash the thoughts of scarcity and insecurity, I would not be able to enjoy what had happened. I combated the fear with gratitude. I sat in the feeling of relief and thanked God for helping me — prodding me — pushing me to harness my bravery.
This was a lesson in becoming. When resistance, fear and pride took over, I was not allowing myself the chance to blossom. I remained tightly closed for almost 2 years because I feared the loss of security. I needed to let go of certainty in order to fully open up to the beauty that wanted to unfold.
It wasn’t until I full released my grasp on the need to control and my craving for certainty that I was able to truly appreciate what was transpiring. When I let go, I felt my creative passion explode and writing became something I must do. I celebrated my bravery and embraced uncertainty like an adventure to a new land. My heart and soul opened and blossomed.
Tonight’s Full Flower Moon is the perfect opportunity to notice where abundance and gratitude are taking place in your life and confront and fear that may be holding you back. Address limiting beliefs and affirm your greatness. This is a time to showcase the beauty that has been carefully worked on and celebrate the growth that has occurred.
Open the floodgates of passion and infuse the areas of your life that have grown stale from neglect. Go after what you really want. Open up and bloom right where you are. Remember a time when you felt alive and excited and then ask yourself: “How can I bring that energy back into my life?”
Now is not the time to play small. Let go of anything holding you back. Celebrate all the goodness that is flowing into your life. Offer gratitude for the fruits of your hard work. This is the time to show off your big beautiful blooms and appreciate their glory.
It has been 3 years since I delivered that letter and I appreciate what took root that day and celebrate all that has blossomed since then.
“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin