Life Lessons

Mindfulness at Work

January 27, 2016 by
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Its the beginning of the day and you open your calendar to see the tasks and appointments for the day. There is a sense of restriction within your throat as you think about the day unfolding. You think about all the possible distractions and interruptions that may occur, stress begins to well within your gut, your heart beat starts to race, the phone rings and it sets you off. You’ve only been at work for 10 minutes and you’re ready to go home.

This is common for many people, especially on Monday mornings. This was my story for years — I would stress myself out just anticipating stress. Then, I decided to change that part of me. I knew the trigger well. I allowed it to send me into a deep spiral. I was done spinning. Focus was what I craved. Results desired to be attained. The first step was to stop myself and just be where I was and not off in the “what ifs”.

“Do you know about living in the present?” is a question that I am frequently asked by clients. The answer is more than a simple “yes” or “no”. Living in the present takes practice because it requires mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and in the moment. I started learning to be mindful after a particularly rough breakdown. I was suffering from intense anxiety which gave way to an occasional panic attack. I talked to doctors and therapists and didn’t find the relief I knew was possible until I learned to be still and present.

I was a bulldozer/whirlwind/lightning bolt who did not like to be still. When I found myself sitting in silence at first, I was uncomfortable and tried to control the outcome.

Slowly, I let go. Slowly, I learned to be present. Slowly, my reactions faded from thunderous panic into deep cleansing breaths.

Here are a few things to do the next time you are at work and feel that stewing/panic/rage/annoyance bubble up. Try these steps for a month. Notice the changes you experience. Many of these can be done right at your desk or even before you enter work. With the intention of practicing mindfulness, you will find a new way to cope when work sends you reeling:

  • Breathe: Take 3-5 cleansing breaths in and out your nose. We can forget to breathe during stressful situations which can constrict breathing, thus creating a secondary stress.
  • Reframe your thought: When you find yourself in a negative thought pattern, recognize your thought and reframe it into something positive. Create a mantra or intention for the rest of the day.
  • Write it out: Taking a moment to write out the stress can give your brain the time to process the situation and thus take it off your mind.
  • Practice gratitude: Take a moment and offer gratitude for something.

By actively taking the steps to create a change in negative thought patterns a change is occurring inside the brain. Mindfulness practices can change the way we react to negative situations. As the practice becomes stronger, the reactions become weaker.

For more information on mindfulness and dealing with stress at work, please email me at emily@soulsadventures.com

Reflection and Celebration

December 31, 2015 by 1 Comment
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The end of the year is a time for reflection and celebration. The end is also the beginning. Looking back can help create momentum for the year to come. This is one of my favorite times of the year because I can see where I was, where I wanted to be and the path I chose to forge.

When I look back on 2015, I see a lot of learning, letting go and growth. The year began with trying to figure out how to create a website and training for a race. I worked out my brain and my body as I was determined to complete both tasks. What I learned was that with focus and dedication, I can stretch my mind and body to do things I once thought was impossible.

The key to accomplishing these goals was through setting intentions. Every year, I look at where I would like to grow in several areas including: health, education, fitness, spiritually, relationships, career and creativity. I write down my intentions for the year and some action steps that I will need to take to achieve my goals.

After I have a clear picture of what I want to achieve, I meet with an accountability partner. I have had a friend, colleague and a coach as my accountability partners in the past. I let them know my goals and what I plan on doing to achieve them. They check in monthly to encourage and hold me accountable. During my monthly meetings, I revisit my intentional goals and make adjustments as needed. Accountability has proven to be important to successfully achieving desired results.

As I reflect on 2015, I want to celebrate these things:

  • Running the Cherry Blossom 10 miler with my super amazing running goddess friends
  • Learning to build a website and ditching the phrase “I don’t do tech”
  • Climbing Camel Back Mountain in the early morning before the heat took over
  • Taking time to explore more of America (road trips to Spring Training, Washington and Cape May, visiting friends in Chicago and Florida, boating adventure to Catalina Island and weekends in the woods)
  • Creating and facilitating Intuitive Painting Workshops
  • Signing on with The Muse as a career mentor
  • Learning to let go of relationships that no longer serve me and healing with love and grace
  • Failing forward with business and creative pursuits and learning valuable lessons each time
  • Seeing 2 of my favorite influencers (Elizabeth Gilbert and Lewis Howes) speak and getting books signed
  • Successful birthday fundraising campaign with Charity:Water
  • Meeting amazing people who have enriched my life and brought many smiles to my face and heart

This was a year of living intentionally with love, peace, freedom and compassion. I planted the seeds of vulnerability and reaped the fruits of bravery and resilience.

When you reflect on 2015, what are you going to celebrate?

Be Here Now: A Lesson in Contentment

November 25, 2015 by
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I was laying in bed in a state of utter discontent, asking “What am I missing?” wondering when whatever I felt was missing was going to happen. I wondered if there was some place that I needed to be. My wanderlust was raging, feeling the sense of needing to be elsewhere; always.

The endless loop that plays in my head is like a pop song, once you hear it a couple times it gets stuck there. The world beckoned, but I was being planted. I felt myself tugging at my roots causing things to die and fall away. I couldn’t bloom in this state of agitation and fear of missing out or ‘FOMO’. I had to learn to sit still and listen.

Anxiety is fueled by discontent. I learned this lesson a while back when I found myself craving something other than what I had. I dwelt on the missed opportunities and did not see the greatness that was right in front of me. The whirlwind of restlessness prohibited me from appreciating what I had.

It is easy to fall into the trap of restless discontent. Patience is hard to come by and while waiting, our minds can create several scenarios of better alternatives. However, when I learned to ease into the discomfort and practice gratitude, it helped to lead me into a state of contentment.

Being hyper connected and seeing everything that is going on, opinions and comments take away from the present moment. Comparisons start to be made and discontent creeps in. In fact, we are training our brains to look at our phones instead of faces. Although technology is an amazing thing and we need it, taking the time to step away from hyper connectivity and sitting still can bring our minds back into balance.

In stillness I can reflect and see the things that I once wanted were actually happening. Contentment is a practice that when put aside results in impatience and anxiety. By practicing gratitude daily, contentment reminds me that being where I am is exactly where I need to be. That lesson is powerful and beautiful to me. I can watch the beauty of life unfold when I take the time to be present and understand that everything is happening when it supposed to.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

– Epicurus

Practicing Gratitude: Calibrating for Thanksgiving

November 11, 2015 by 0 Comments
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I enjoy the month of November because of Thanksgiving; my favorite holiday. I love the act of getting together with loved ones to share delicious food and offer gratitude. The act of practicing gratitude creates room for more gratitude to occur.

I began an active practice a few years ago where I wrote down 3 things that I was grateful for at the end of each day. Even on the worst days, I made it a practice to find things to be grateful for; the most important time for the practice. Whether you begin or end your day with gratitude, you will notice a change in perception over time.

The practice of gratitude creates awareness in everyday occurrences. Things that usually go unnoticed suddenly become highlighted with intentional thanksgiving. All of a sudden, I started recognizing even greater things happening and becoming overwhelmed with gratitude.

One of the first things I noticed was how bright orange California poppies are. I have lived in California my entire life and never stopped to appreciate the vibrancy the flowers provided. This memory is very distinct for me. I was waiting to get onto a highway and looked over and was amazed by the shock of orange bursting from the ground surrounding the sign post. I did a double take and realized that something so ordinary had become extraordinary for me. l felt grateful for the observation and my new found attention to every day things.

As my outlook changed, I realized that I had calibrated my mind for gratitude.

Practicing gratitude creates more gratitude. Neuroplasticity allows for changes within the brain. We can intentionally create a change by consistent practice. Our brains can create new pathways with the practice of a new skill such as exercise, meditation and diet. Over time, practicing gratitude created more thoughts and occurrences for gratefulness. Like with any change, this takes time.

Most change starts with the simple process of something outside of us altering something inside of us. If you begin the inward journey and start to change your inner world of thoughts and feelings, it should create an improved state of well-being. If you keep repeating the process in meditation, then in time, epigenetic changes should begin to alter your outer presentation.

– Dr. Joe Dispenza

I encourage you to begin practicing gratitude. Try it for 4 weeks and see what transpires. Here is a downloadable sheet: Gratitude Sheet to begin your practice. Just write down 3 things you are grateful for each day and notice the gradual change in your perception. I would love to hear about your grateful journey. Send me an email at emily@soulsadventures.com to share your experience.

Dancing Alone: Healing After a Breakup

October 28, 2015 by

FullSizeRender (4)I waited for him to leave. He slammed the door, I stared at it making sure it really happened. Then without notice, my tears started to fall. Something inside of me told me this was the final time. We would never get back together. There would not be a reconciliation after a few weeks apart. Our time together had expired and my heart sank, even though everything inside of me knew it was time to part.

It took me some time to not cry about it. There were several people letting me know it was for the best, but my heart still felt broken and raw. I loved this person and now I would never have that extension of my heart back. I was tempted to contact him; an all too familiar pattern. I stopped myself. I distracted myself by taking a walk. I would walk until my sadness dissipated. One day, I walked seven miles.

A few months passed and I started to feel better. I was healing and working on letting go. I was determined to learn how to let him go once and for all. The back and forth proved to me that it wasn’t right, but my heart didn’t want to listen.

Finally, my heart and mind started to sync up and I started putting myself out there to meet new people and date; something I hadn’t really done since I had met him. Dating was awkward and brought up even more things that I needed to resolve. I had no idea how much work it took to heal, really heal, after a breakup.

These were a few things that really helped me heal and grow through the process…

  1. Forgive. I needed to forgive him and myself. There were things we had both said and done that were not versions of our best selves. That happens in a relationship and I wanted to grow from it instead of wallow in what went wrong. I wrote out everything that hurt and upset me. Then, I went down the list and consciously forgave him and myself for each offense. I had to do this a few times, but it helped.
  2. Let go of the expectation of “getting back together”: false hope kills healing. I had to remind myself that “it ended for a reason”.
  3. I looked for any co-dependant residue: after being in a relationship for a while, sometimes our identities can get wrapped up in the other person. I noticed where I may have “lost” myself in the other person and resolved to regain my sense of self back. This could not be done alone. I sought out help through a spiritual coach and that was when the healing really started.
  4.  Let go: Recognize the loss and release. I created a ritual to let him go. I needed a physical release along with the emotional one. Letting go happens over time and after I healed, I was able to finally release ceremoniously.
  5. Start dating. I very carefully dipped my toe back into dating at first. It was awkward and I felt like I was out of practice. But after time, it became fun again and I met some very lovely and some interesting people.

Time is important, but so is the mindset of healing. Only after I resolved to heal was I able to do the work. Each step was difficult in their own way, but I am grateful for the journey. I learned about myself, created healthier boundaries and opened my heart again.

The most important lesson was learning to love being alone. Embracing my true self and the love that comes through the process was the greatest lesson the breakup could offer. I learned to listen to my intuition and that dancing alone is liberating and creates the space needed for the right things to come.

*for more information on letting go or healing after a breakup, email me at emily@soulsadventures.com

The Gravity of Memory: Healing after Miscarriage

October 14, 2015 by 0 Comments
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It was a snowy night when I experienced one of the greatest sorrows of my life; I was suffering from a miscarriage. I was young, my dad drove methodically through the freak snow storm as my mom held me in the backseat. I was inconsolable, sobbing with deep emotion. Although the pregnancy was a surprise, I had grown to love and cherish the little one growing inside of me. Anticipation for his arrival filled my mind with hopes and dreams the longer I carried and after I felt him move; like a butterfly fluttering within.

At the hospital, The doctor searched for a heartbeat and I thought I heard the precious “whoosh whoosh” sound but it turned out to be my own heartbeat. I clenched everything inside of me trying to keep the baby inside. The nurses kept telling me it was already gone. The ER doctor kept calling it a ‘spontaneous abortion” it didn’t sit well with me. When I asked the doctor why it had happened he said “some babies just fail to thrive.” It wasn’t the concrete answer I had hoped for. It would have made me feel better if the answer told me what exactly happened. It was traumatic, painful  and sad.

The thing about miscarriage is that the pain is silent and mysterious. There are so many things that can create grief; the due date, the anniversary of the miscarriage, what they child would have looked like, the pain of a missed future. I had a hard time finding help talking about it. I was referred to a grief counselor who was confused by my immense sorrow only to be told “I usually help parents who had live children pass away” Her words were seared into my memory. I looked for books about miscarriage only to find myself in indexes pointing to a few pages that referenced it in pregnancy books; books I couldn’t bear to look at.

People tried to comfort me by telling me “time will heal” and “I understand your pain” which did the opposite of comfort me.

Miscarriage is ambiguous and painful. Each woman suffers in her own way. Whether the baby is planned or not, the loss of a pregnancy leaves questions and doubts about fertility and health. Perhaps it would be easier to recover from such a loss if there was an answer better than a statistic about the odds. I loved the baby I carried and considered it more than just a statistic.

It took me years to get over the pain. Seeing other pregnant women was hard. I felt defective when I would discuss what had happened. It is an uncomfortable subject but I believe it needs to be shared. There are too many of us with this silent grief which makes letting go and moving on just a bit harder.

The anniversary of my miscarriage passes each year with a tug on my heart. It happened 16 years ago,  yet the memory is clear and vivid. It was a catalyst for me and my life changed when I left the hospital. I became more determined by shutting out the pain and moving through college and my first career with a stoicism that hid my vulnerability well.

Looking back, I see that what transpired was a blessing in disguise. However, I was only able to see that after the grief was processed. Without having something to bury, I needed a way to let go and memorialize so I got a tattoo soon after.  Later on, I created a ceremony to let go of the pain and help me move on. It wasn’t until I started honoring my vulnerability and talking about this specific pain that healing began. I needed a safe place to talk about it and feel heard. I needed to know that my pain was valid.

I want to hold a safe place for women who are suffering from the grief of miscarriage. The pain is personal and deep. What I can do is listen with empathy and understanding. Talking about the pain helps with the healing process and honors the child that was lost. One of the reasons I wanted to become a spiritual life coach was because of this specific pain. I have learned the beauty in letting go with remembrance. A miscarriage is not forgotten but it does not have to hold you back.

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.
― Barbara Kingsolver 

Guided Meditation: Thunder Moon

July 1, 2015 by 0 Comments
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For the past year, I have been practicing setting intentions and letting go of what no longer serves me. The first time I did this practice was a stormy night in Bali last July. The rain seemed endless and I researched ways to change my mindset. I came across setting intentions and created a ritual that I have practiced and honed over the past year.

The clouds parted and the full moon peaked out. I sat in moonlight and meditated on my intentions for the month. I recognized things that were holding me back from my intended outcomes, and I resolved to let them go. This was a process for the month as some things are held with a tighter grip. However, I realized that recognizing the hindrances was the first step of letting go.

This practice has created clarity and calm. I look forward to each Full Moon as a time to reflect and reset. Tonight is the Full Moon. This moon is known as “Thunder Moon” to symbolize summer thunderstorms. While I was recording this guided meditation yesterday, the sky started to rumble with thunder. I was excited for the synchronicity of events. I created this recording to share part of the ritual. My hope is that it brings peace and clarity to listeners.

If you are interested in learning more about setting intentions, please email me at: emily@soulsadventures.com

Peace and Clarity,

Emily

P.S. If you enjoyed this recording, please share it with friends and family. Thank you!

4 Steps to Help Transform Anxiety

June 24, 2015 by
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As a child, I was called a “worry wort.” I would cling to my bunk bed riddled with angst, refusing to go to school. I was always worried about something: going to hell, death, earthquakes because I grew up in the Bay Area and one year a fire in the Oakland hills.

As an adult, money worried me until I started working at a bank and learned how it worked. However, working at the bank added even more worry and anxiety to my life…

It was 2008, the market was experiencing a drastic down-turn and clients called daily with panic. I watched people lose their homes to foreclosure and come into the bank to yell and vent their frustrations. As I drove down the street towards work, I could feel my blood pressure rise and tears well up in my eyes. I would hyperventilate as I parked my car and wait for the wave to pass so I could go to work. The waves took longer and longer to pass as time went on which led me to seek help and try to get a grip on my escalating anxiety.

I had to join a support group as a requirement from my insurance which added even more anxiety for me. Listening to other people talk about their worries did not help me find relief. I eventually left my job because I could not function. I began looking for other alternatives for coping and this is when I found the practice of meditation.

At first, meditation was difficult. I had a hard time sitting still and quieting my mind. I would make lists, start thinking or get distracted by noises outside. Although, the more I practiced, I was able to find my inner silence and soon my intuition. In the silence, I have found peace, balance and answers.

My anxiety levels have dropped dramatically since I began meditating. I took the practice further and started writing down my fears. I found that transferring all the restless thoughts out of my head and onto paper helped alleviate the mental chatter.

Later on I learned about transforming my fears into strengths and finding ways to redirect the thoughts into something that served a purpose. Fear is a gift and arises as an alert. I began acknowledging my anxieties and looking for ways to transform the negative into a positive feeling or thought. I also realized that I was taking on people’s anxieties and reacting negatively. I implemented one of the Four Agreements as a daily practice. “Don’t take anything personally” and started to react less and less.

Learning to listen to my intuition and take a break to breath during stressful moments has changed my reactions. I have been told that I hold my breath when I am stressed or extremely focused. Mindfulness has help me become more aware of my breathing. I can use my breath to slow down my heart rate, focus and send much needed oxygen to the places where I hold my stress. The power of breath is transformative.

The daily practice of meditation has curbed my anxiety for the most part. However, there are situations where it still rears its chaotic head. When this happens, I go back to the tools that have helped me.

I have been practicing these 4 steps for a few years each time anxiety arises and they have helped me reduce worry and stress. When I feel the familiar inner flutter of anxiety, I start with these steps and repeat them daily until I find my balance again.

  1. Breathe: Sit with your breath for 5-10 minutes. Close your eyes in a comfortable seated position and breath in and out through your nose. Listen to your breath. Focus on taking even breaths. Count the inhale and exhale to even out the breath. Allow silence and peace to take over. If needed, time yourself to make sure you are getting a full 5-10 minutes of breathing.
  2. Reflect and Write: What is the root of the anxiety? What triggered the reaction? Write down every thought that comes to mind. There doesn’t need to be a structure, just get it out of your head and onto paper.
  3. Transform the thought: How can you restructure the negative thought into a positive one? Remember that fear is a gift and it serves a purpose. How is this serving you? Write down your observations.
  4. Movement: Taking a walk, running or even stretching can transform the energy. Redirect the nervous energy with movement. Get your blood flowing and capitalize on the oxygen that was just sent through your body through deep breathing.

With practice, these steps have helped transform my anxiety into something manageable. If you would like more information on meditation, writing exercises or transforming thoughts, please email me at emily@soulsadventures.com

 

A New Definition for Success

June 10, 2015 by 0 Comments

planeI silently sighed as I saw my impending situation for the next fourteen hours. I was going to be in the middle seat. My seat mates were discussing how one preferred the aisle over the window, and I just stood there while the seating arrangements were decided. Either way, I was going to be in the middle.

The flight was from San Francisco to Manila. The first layover en route to Bali. “This is an easy flight” the old man sitting next to me said as he adjusted his Bose earphones. He asked if I was headed to the Philippines and I let him know it was a layover.

For the next several hours, I had a lovely conversation with him. He trains teams in emergency response all over the world. He was flying to the Philippines to teach residents how to reclaim their water and drill new wells. He asked me where I was headed and my plans for the trip. I let him know that I had recently quit my job to travel and figure out my next step. He nodded and then went into a long explanation on how life is supposed to be lived now and to not wait for the future because it may never come.

His background was in the military as a paratrooper and said he never felt fear until he went on a ride at a fair with his daughter where he was scared for her safety. “I jumped out of planes into war zones and nothing compared to the fear I felt in possibly losing something I loved.” This was a turning point for him where he decided to live life fully.

The conversation was rich and we discussed gifts that each person has and I told him that I could tell his was service and encouragement. He told me that I had encouragement too because he was inspired by my story. This surprised me because I had been battling some doubt on whether or not I had made the right decision.

Then he said something to me that I will never forget, “Now you need to go from success to significance.” He explained that success is only a portion of happiness, what really matters is living a life full of significance…a legacy (even if you don’t have children). Forward thinking and how one acts after unexpected events is key. How we react shapes what happens next.

I was so grateful to sit next to this man. I think back to how I felt when I realized that I was going to sit in the middle for a long flight and how a negative thought turned into a memorable conversation. It was serendipitous to meet this man and have such a meaningful conversation about direction just a week after I quit my job. I didn’t know what was next. I knew I wanted to make a difference, but I was still in the mindset of success by any means. Changing my mindset to significance and making a difference by helping others completely transformed my life.

I began living my life with intention, striving to make a difference and using my gifts. I have had 2 career transitions in my life and this time, I feel like I am going after my true desires. Taking the time to listen to my intuition and striving for a life of significance is a new definition of success for me. The anxieties that I felt with my first career break are not present because my focus is on something greater.

Everyone has a special gift to share with the world. Seeing significance as success definitely requires a change of thought. When we are  living the life we are meant to be living, success is measured in non-tangible ways.  My gratitude is boundless to the universe for the middle seat and the wisdom I learned on that plane.

How can you add significance to you success story?

How the Ocean Reminds Me of Abundance

April 29, 2015 by 0 Comments

whaleThe other day, I came home to a notice of my rent being raised. Although this isn’t the best news to receive, I was surprised by my reaction. My immediate thought was that everything is as it should be and everything will be okay. I realized that if I would have received this notice a year ago, I would have reacted negatively and most likely become upset.

Shortly after I receiving the notice,  I laced up my runners and headed to the beach for a much needed run. I was thinking about the notice and processing the fact when all of a sudden, two whale’s tails rose out of the water very close to shore. I stopped, stunned at what I had just witnessed.

I watched the water and their heads bobbed up and then their fins followed by spouts of water bursting every so often. I stood there for a long time watching these magnificent creatures choreographed to the sound of the waves. I was completely entranced.

The longer I stood there, I realized that there were actually four whales close to shore. The only word that came to mind was “Abundance.” I often scan the water in search for whales, seals and dolphins when I am on the beach. I usually see one every once in a while out in the distance. But this time I was being shown just how abundant the universe really is. I considered this a good omen, one of abundance and provision.

Everything is going to be okay. In fact, when I look back on every time I received news like a rent hike, the universe has provided in ways I could not even imagine and I am filled with gratitude.

I am continually reminded of the lesson of going from a mindset of scarcity to sufficiency and finally abundance. Our minds create our reality. If we allow thoughts of scarcity to overtake us, that becomes our reality. Fixing our minds towards abundance and going a step further and actually practicing gratitude for abundance all around attracts abundance into our lives. Simply put, this is the law of attraction.

I am continually amazed how just changing my mindset from scarcity and anxiety to abundance and gratitude changes everything. Letting go and noticing the positive is key. When I just open my eyes to stop and observe, I realize just how abundant life really is.

Is there an area in your life where scarcity takes over your mindset? How can you transform your mindset to abundance? Where do you see abundance in your life?

For more information on transforming your mindset from scarcity to abundance and practicing gratitude, email me at emily@soulsadventures.com.