Letting go

Gratitude Heals: How to Replace Scarcity with Abundance

October 13, 2022 by 3 Comments
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There is a lot of science and research on how gratitude heals. Scarcity creeps in and grabs a hold with force. What may have been something that we are completely grateful for can turn into our greatest frustration. How does this happen?

Expectations — they create disappointment and rob the joy out of something that has the possibility to create excitement.

When frustration takes over, we start to notice all the things that could and have gone wrong. This is where scarcity takes over. It sees the perfect opportunity to sweep in and make a nice home inside the negative thoughts and emotions causing them to be augmented.

Thoughts of not being enough, doing enough, having enough seep in. Before we know it, we regret the thing that we wanted so badly.

This has happened to me several times. I place such high expectations on the things I want the most that I end up sabotaging their success. I have done this in relationships, at work, with family and even with working out. My perfectionist tendencies would flare up, I got attached to outcomes that I deem are necessary for success and then POOF! they fall apart.

It took me some time to come to this realization. In the meantime, I would be a basketcase wondering: “How did this happen once again?”

I’d place blame until I realized that I had control over the way I perceived each situation and the expectations I set.

It is hard to let go of expectations.

We want what we want when we want it. Best laid plans are just that, plans. Nothing is set in stone and so many things can happen that are out of our control. When we decide that things need to be a certain way and leave little room for variety, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

But there is a way to replace scarcity with abundance. It takes some work, but with practice we can change the way we react and replace with positive feelings and reactions.

Release the expectation, attachment and need for control. Be fluid and allow things to occur as they will.

Reframe the negative thought or feeling with something positive. Ask yourself: What is going right?

Recognize what is going right with gratitude. The best way to go from scarcity to abundance is gratitude. Always look for the positive and be grateful. This tiny step will change your mind.

Start to notice where scarcity has created frustration in your life and take the time to heal this wound. Our bodies have a physical response to this emotion. We crave security and fulfillment. When we are off balance in this area, we feel fearful, scarce and controlling.

We can heal with gratitude. Transforming the energy frees up the tension that we hold physically and emotionally.

Gratitude can heal where scarcity once scarred.

A New Place to Share My Writing…

April 25, 2022 by 0 Comments

I’ve started a newsletter and podcast! Head over to subscribe, read, and listen!

Here is a sample of my latest newsletter…

Coping with Infertility

Kim Belverud Photography

It’s hard to know that your body doesn’t want to cooperate with your plans. As a meticulous planner, I felt like I had found the perfect time to work on planning for a family now that my business was more stable, I was married and we were ready to look for houses. Things felt like they were falling into place. 

To be honest, I thought that careful planning was all one needed to make things happen. I was ready for the work, the measuring and tracking. I spent the previous year learning how to mother myself and heal past childhood mother wounds because I was afraid to carry on generational trauma that my genes carried.

In the past I had a strained relationship with my mother who had a strained relationship with her mother who had a strained relationship with her mother. If I was old enough to ask before she passed away, I could find out if my great-grandmother had one as well with her mother or if the pattern started with her. Something told me it went on for generations.

Working on healing this truth took compassion and time. I had to reach back and see these women through the eyes of compassion and love. As I did this work, I felt more and more ready to become a mother, to give birth to a new generation, one rooted in love and compassion.

I received a call from an unknown number. I answered, it was my OB/GYN. I was surprised to hear her voice on the other line.

“This wasn’t the call I wanted to make or the news I wanted to give you.” she said with deep compassion in her voice, allowing pauses. Allowing me to process and the time to ask questions through my tears. I took notes because I knew I would have a hard time remembering the things she was saying. “Premature ovarian failure, early menopause, not a candidate for IVF, some women have success with donor eggs.” I could hear the disappointment in her voice 

All these words refused to settle in my heart… (to continue reading, click here)

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. If you or someone you know is suffering from the inability to conceive, my heart goes out to you. 

Please visit RESOLVE.org to learn more about resources and ways to help.

The Alchemy of 2021: Finding Hope

December 29, 2021 by 0 Comments

The past informs the future.

I chose HOPE as my word for 2021. After experiencing deep grief in 2020, I wanted to look for silver linings and meaning for the sorrow I was experiencing. I thought that HOPE would serve as a helpful guide after feeling hopeless and defeated.

So for this entire year, I have looked for hope, practiced hope and learned so much about cultivating hope. The thing with choosing a theme is that it shows up in unexpected ways.

Hope didn’t show up easily for me. It felt like I clawed my way out of hopelessness this year. Just when things felt like they were going to work out, a setback would occur. This year felt like a treadmill of 2 steps forward, 1 step back and it was exhausting.

However, HOPE did show up. It shined its way through the darkness and by the end of the year, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. This light showed up because of one emotion that permeated my being for most of the year; anger.

My anger was an alchemist this year.

To be honest, I can’t remember a time when I have felt so much rage in my life. It felt like a fire that burned deep within me. It was stoked by memories of past events, current issues and the grief that was left unresolved. This anger was like a wildfire, burning through everything in its path, including my marriage. I was mad and nothing was getting in the way of the burning.

Hopelessness and anger became the catalyst for change.

I vividly remember my breaking point when I dialed for help. The woman asked me several questions including the address of my location “I’m sitting in my car at the mall.” I said through tears as I continued to answer her questions. She told me about an app for depression and let me know a therapist would be in touch.

Through therapy, I worked through years of piled up grief. I thought I had already done the work, but grief doesn’t just go away. It can be rekindled with new grief. My infertility was the new grief which reminded my soul of all the other sorrows that were buried deep within.

Writing was an alchemist this year.

After saying “no” to a book contract in the beginning of the year, I started writing the book that has been on my heart for several years. Aside from therapy, I joined a grief writer’s group. There were three of us in the group and we held each other accountable in our goal of writing our next books. I finished writing my book in August and am in the process of finding an agent/publisher for it.

My writing changed through this process. With the keen eyes and encouragement of my fellow writers, I wrote out my truth and found meaning in the hard stuff, joy in the triumphs and recognized the bravery and resilience in my spirit. I also recovered the deep well of love within in me.

My marriage was an alchemist this year.

We walked through this wildfire together. At times, it was traumatic. My husband’s COVID, my anger and grief, business stress and the dreams we held on so dearly needed to be released: buying a home and giving birth. We let go again and again, surrendering to the unknown. In the end, we emerged closer with a deeper empathy and understanding of ourselves and each other.

Marriage is a container where the worst parts of you can emerge. It’s also a healing container, if both partners are willing, to allow painful transformations to take place with love. There isn’t a day that I’m not deeply grateful for this love.

Alchemy creates space.

Letting go has created space. I am excited to see what all this space will be filled with. I have a feeling it’s going to be pretty amazing since SO much space has been created.

Hope showed up through the fire, purifying and making elemental changes. This year was an alchemist and after everything, I feel hope-full.

Photo Credit: Kim Belverud Photography

How to Find Answers Through Stillness

August 30, 2018 by 0 Comments
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I was traveling all over and found myself feeling lost, sad and like my entire travel dream had died. So, I went home. Being home was difficult at first. My plans were diminished and I had to sit still and ask questions regarding direction and purpose. Meditation became a lifeline for me. At first, I squirmed and found a million things to think about as I made mental lists. Distractions seemed constant and I thought I would never learn to be still. However, the more I sat still, the calmer I became.

This calm brought answers. They weren’t the answers I was expecting or particularly wanted, but I was open and began pursuing a modified version of my dreams.

I love to write and dreamed of writing anything since I was a child. I found myself surrounded by books and journals compiling and studying. I started to writing about my travels from my home while studying for my new life path which gave me ample time for stillness. My intuition finally found its voice as I allowed it to speak over my busy mind that was learning to quiet itself.

I learned meditation is a practice and each day required practice, breathing and intention.

One of the greatest lessons for me was from Pico Iyer speaking about stillness: “The best way I could develop more attentive, more appreciative eyes was oddly by going nowhere, just sitting still.” I was experiencing this and realized that my travels were no longer seen through the eyes of wonder and I needed to reset that passion within me. So, I wrote and wrote and wrote and continued to meditate, searching for answers and lessons. With this practice, gratitude emerged. I was able to revisit my adventures from a place of stillness, with new eyes and a grateful heart. And through this process, I learned even more lessons from my times away.

Wanderlust is a part of me. Stillness is now also a part of me. My next endeavor was to fine tune these two parts into a balanced whole. Learning to listen to the still small voice within and trusting the universe’s guidance will continue to fascinate me.

Meditation is an act of letting go.

I have been working on this for some time. With each lesson of surrender, I find myself opening up even more in a new expansiveness. Possibilities are endless and going with the flow, although still difficult at times, has proven to be the best route for me.

When you find yourself looking for answers, sillness can be a great tool. When we quiet the conscious mind, we can sift through all the ideas and thought in our subconscious. Here are a few steps to help:

  1. Try sitting still. Close your eyes and begin to feel yourself relax from your toes to the top of your head. Do this in sections. Feel your feet relax, then your legs, then your abdomen, your throat, face and finally your entire body.
  2. Let your breath be your guide. Take a deep breath in through your nose, and out through your nose. Count to 10, using the breath for each count: 1 – breathe in, 2 – breathe out, etc…
  3. Ask your question, wait for the answer, breathing in and out.
  4. If a thought emerges, notice it and send it on its way, don’t stop and dwell, just let it go and continue breathing.

This is a practice and gets easier with time. At first, the most important thing will be to learn how to become still. This lesson alone is extremely beneficial. In time, you will notice answers and ideas pop up. Stillness gives them room to emerge.

Sometimes the most important place to be is nowhere.

When to Move On

April 11, 2018 by 1 Comment
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How do you decide when to move on?

When things fall apart, it can be hard to find the initiative to get back up to find the space to start or create something new. Days can seem to drag on and putting one foot in front of the other can seem like a huge feat. Sometimes, it feels like you are stuck and doomed to live in a cycle of disappointment.

Figuring out action steps can help bring your mind out of the fog but make sure to give yourself the time to process the disappointment. If it is time to move on, it’s okay to mourn the loss. Allow the healing to occur and take an active role by looking forward to creating something new when the time is right.

Some important questions to ask when there is something that may feel like it is falling apart are:

  1. What isn’t working?
  2. Is there something I can change to make it work?
  3. If I let go and move on from this, what are my next actions?
  4. What do I want to be working towards?

Be honest with yourself and take time to write out the answers. After you answer the questions, look to see if anything sticks out. Are there common themes, new revelations or is the answer clear and the writing exercise solidified your intuition? Sit with the answers, meditate on the next steps and recognize any closure that needs to take place.

Perhaps the most important thing to note is the last question. If where you are now does not help you get to where you want to be, then the answer is clear. Getting clear on what you want to do can ease the pain of ending something that is not meant to be.

When things end, it is important to get back up, even if it takes some time. Making daily efforts to try again seems difficult at first, but after a while the practice of doing creates the momentum needed to move forward. In order to allow growth to take place, movement is necessary.

When life gives us a “no” it creates space for expansion. This is a place for possibility and dreaming. The opposite of expansion is contracting. If contracting is happening, it holds on to pain and disappointment. Stagnation can occur and often times, resentment. Imagine a fist releasing its grasp. Notice how the hand expands as it lets go of its tight hold.

Release and expand; this is the action most beneficial for moving on.

Let what needs to fall down, fall. Don’t act like Sisyphus, continually pushing his boulder up the mountain just to push against gravity once more; this was his curse. Whatever is falling apart, does not need to be a curse. Look to see the blessing in disguise. There is something waiting for this to end in order to have the space it needs to enter your life.

Let go and receive whatever may come with open arms, mind and heart. Replace resistance with cooperation. Momentum can aid in cooperation and soon moving forward will feel exciting and new beginnings will emerge. All you have to do is be honest with yourself, find clarity and start moving forward, one step at a time. In time, the space will be filled with something new.

Worm Moon

March 1, 2018 by 0 Comments
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Spring is soon arriving! As the ground thaws after a long winter, the soil begins to aerate thanks to the movement of earthworms. Underneath, where no one can see their work, worms are creating a healthy environment for seeds and roots to take place.

Even before the eye can behold the plant, important inner work is being completed.

Tonight’s Worm Moon highlights the work that needs to be completed in our souls. Allow the light of the full moon to illuminate the places where you would like growth to take root. Clear out the soul clutter that has accumulated and create room for movement.

Soul clutter can look like the following:

  • Hurt Feelings
  • Resentments
  • Attachment
  • Expectations
  • Bitterness
  • Obsessive Thoughts

When we hold on to things that no longer serve us, we stunt our own growth and healing. Vibrancy radiates from the inside outward. Letting go revitalizes and gives space where restriction once occurred.

There have been several things in my own soul that have accumulated as clutter. I realized that I was unable to focus on the amazing things that are happening because I held on to single events that caused pain. By holding onto the new pain, I wasn’t being present for the new joy flowing into my life. I was caught off guard by the whirlwind that persisted through the calm of joy.

I had to decide to embrace the joy and let go of what was no longer serving me to fully appreciate the magnitude of what was happening in my life.

Soul clutter will numb the joy and even the sorrow. We can get so attached to the feeling of clutter that we don’t even realize we are holding on to something negative. It is like hoarding negative emotions; the more we ignore them, the more comfortable they become. In stillness, we can discover the places that need to be moved and aired out.

Here is a good way to locate the places that need clearing out:

  1. Sit in a quiet place and write down how you have been feeling lately. Notice how your body, mind and spirit feel. Take note on how your relationships have been functioning and how you relate to your physical environment.
  2. Write how you would like to feel in each area.
  3. Then note what keeps you from feeling or experiencing what you want to feel or experience. (These are the things you need to let go of.)
  4. Choose 1 or 2 things to let go of tonight. Allow yourself the next month to focus on letting go.
  5. Watch for new growth where there was once stagnation.
  6. Offer gratitude (every single day).

During a full moon, it is important to notice what no longer serves you. Think of the amount of light the moon is reflecting. Use this time to see all the places where clutter has been stored, release it and allow the moon’s light to illuminate the new space so what is meant to be there will find its way.

Flow

May 24, 2017 by 0 Comments
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I recently traveled to Utah with my boyfriend for a quick weekend getaway. Days prior to the trip, I was laid off from a job that I used to help supplement income. Despite my efforts, it felt like a constant struggle and my soul was not at peace. I tried my best and remembered a lesson my dad taught me “Always do your best and keep your integrity intact.”

I created a deadline to leave in a month if the energy didn’t shift into alignment. Two days after I set that goal, I was called into an office and laid off. I was grateful for my renewed freedom, but disappointed with the way it ended. Although I did not see it coming, I offered gratitude for the manifestation blessing.

So, there I was in Utah about to embark on a hike. As we stepped onto the trail, we were welcomed by a rushing river tumbling through the valley. It was breathtaking. It had been a while since I had seen a river so swollen and rushing. The sound was meditative and never ending, staying with us until we made our way high enough to where the path became snow.

The snow was a surprise as we trudged our way through ankle deep snow trying to reach a lake that we were told was magnificent. Now, I am not a fan of being cold, let alone hiking through snow in summer clothes. But, I knew that I needed to keep going. I complained to my boyfriend who seemed unfazed by the new terrain. He encouraged me as I made my way up the icy hill.

After what seemed like forever, we made it to the lake. It was surrounded by snow and was frozen solid. I had a bit of disappointment because my expectation was a lake surrounded by a meadow filled with wildflowers. I sat down on a rock and meditated. I released my expectations. I released my fatigue. I released being cold. I sat there in the sun for 20 minutes with my eyes closed, just breathing in and out.

Off in the distance, I could hear a rock falling from up high. I was amazed at the silence of the scenery and the ability to hear a rock falling. The frozen scene created the stillness to be present. I felt at peace.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the lake through a different lens. It was absolutely beautiful. The mountains that surrounded us seemed to provide an expansive nature making me feel so small, yet very powerful. I made it all the way to 9000′ where the sun had not melted a lake yet. I breathed in gratitude for the newfound appreciation and smiled.

I raised my vibration at a higher elevation.

As we made our way back down, I felt renewed and accomplished. Halfway down, the river started rushing as the ground went from snow to mud to dirt once more. The river once again serenaded our hike and I realized that I needed to welcome flow back into my life.

I recognized for my life to flow freely, I had to let myself melt like the snow.

The rigid constraints that I had made to create security and certainty were blocking flow from occurring. I was in my own way. When I take things into my own hands with control, it never really works. I was pushed out of something that wasn’t allowing flow to continue into my life. I noticed what a tight grip I tried to maintain once again.

From experience, I know that the things I hold tight to are the ones that slip away. In this case, it was security and certainty.

The following week, I approached my business with a new-found focus and intention. I realized that when I let go and allow flow to happen, everything falls into place and it is — effortlessly and beautifully. The resistance and pressure I had created blocked the positive energy that was trying to flow into my life.

I was not expecting such a lesson from a river in the middle of the Utah wilderness. But I am so grateful for the raging river and frozen lake that taught me to change my perspective and release expectations in order to allow flow to occur.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.  – Lao Tzu

Reclaiming Time

April 25, 2017 by 0 Comments
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I have been struggling with my relationship with time: I feel like there is never enough. When I think back to the days right after I quit my job to travel, I remember the immense fear of “What do I do with my time now?!” As I became more comfortable with my freedom, I felt like I could soar and had no limits. I couldn’t believe that I had created a reality where I could to write, travel and soak up as much sun as possible.

That lasted 2 years. And then I started to get busy with building my business and had to coordinate a schedule again. It was fun and exciting to create something from scratch, but it took up a lot of time. I found myself on the edge of overwhelm.

The frustration that comes from feeling like there is not enough time rob the joy from the present moment.

I found myself no longer enjoying the moment I was in and looked at the time wondering if I had enough to get to the next thing on my long list completed. Then my sleep started to suffer. I would wake up at 3am my mind decided it was the perfect time to think about my schedule and dwell on the feeling of not having enough time.

The feeling of time scarcity created even more fatigue and stress.

I was missing was being in the present moment and embracing what was happening as it was happening. I was spending too much time projecting into the future that I robbed the present moment of my attention. So I decided to break up with my relationship with time in order to rebuild a healthier one.

As I found a healthier way to approach time, I found these tools to help immensely:

  1. Meditation every morning: This grounds me and brings me into the present moment before the day’s events even have a chance to overwhelm. From this new grounded state, I am able to approach the day with focus and intent.
  2. Put the phone down: Having access to the internet, emails, calendars and even time keeps me from enjoying the present moment. I decided to put the phone away while interacting with people in order to fully appreciate their presence and the time we were spending together. I found my interactions became richer and time seemed to feel abundant.
  3. Prioritize tasks: To-do lists are very important to me, but now I make sure that each week, I only write down the “must dos” instead of creating a long list of tasks that aren’t as pressing. When I complete the tasks I set out to do, I realize that I have plenty of time to tackle some of the less pressing priorities.
  4. Make time for myself: All the running around and working made me feel guilty to take moments to myself. But, when I make time for myself, guilt free, I feel more energetic and joyful and time seems to slow down for me when I am not as stressed.
  5. Workout: There is always time to get some physical activity in. Taking walks, bike rides, trips to the gym…can all be fit into a busy schedule. There are apps that have been created to help you get workouts in. Prioritize physical health and the gift will be higher metabolism and more energy to tackle a busy schedule.

The feeling of scarcity that comes from being constantly connected fades when I make time for stillness.

I learned that when I treat time with respect, it doesn’t run out. I feel more abundant with time when I practice mindfulness and step into the present moment.  From this place, I can breathe deeper and notice my surroundings.

The Catalyst

October 12, 2016 by 2 Comments
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Domestic violence takes on many forms and endures for various lengths of time. It takes courage to release the heart’s tight grasp on an abuser. My hope and prayer for this post is that it will encourage men and women to be brave, take a stand against abuse and find the love that resides within.

Here is part of my story:

I was being held up by my throat staring into raging eyes. It was like he had left his body and pain took over which he was now transferring to me. I was begging to be let go of with my hands since I could barely breathe. I was scared and felt my head getting lighter and my body becoming limp.

When he let go, I gasped for air. I felt the warmth around my neck where his hands had been. He stood there staring off somewhere that wasn’t the present moment. I scurried away like a scared animal, retreating to another room to contact my sister.

She was the only person I could think of to reach out to. It was late, even later in her time zone, but she was awake and saved me that night. He had taken it too far this time. From far away, she called the cops.

Everything I had known as love was broken. I thought I was strong enough to deal with the emotional tearing down but this was scarier. I was alone, not by choice, but because something happened and he was taken away. The night that love turned into fear was a catalyst for me.

My first instinct was to pray. I had grown up religious but had put that part of me on a shelf for almost a decade at that point. I fumbled with my words trying to communicate with a God that I hoped was there. It felt awkward at first and I stopped several times to cry. But the prayer was lifted and I repeated “Help me” over and over.

He called me to ask for bail, I refused and hung up. I had the urge to find my Bible, another thing that had been put away for a decade. I searched my closet and found it at the bottom of a box. I opened it and the first thing I read was: “A man of great anger will suffer punishment for if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.” Proverbs 19:19

Chills ran up my spine. That passage jumped from a page in a forgotten book and was pertinent to what had just happened. I laid down on my bed and repeated “Please comfort me. I am so sad and lonely.” Almost immediately, I felt a force of comfort come over me. It was heavier than the air and my heart beat calmed down for the first time that night.

“Come back. Return. Love resides within”

I was being called to return to my soul. A place that I tried to mask for years. In order for me to know love, I had to begin with myself at the cellular level and begin to heal. I realized that I had to go within, be alone and find the courage to let go.

This event was a catalyst to my soul. I started a search where I wanted to find what was sparked inside of me that night. I knew it wasn’t the God full of judgement and fear I grew up believing but one that was loving, peaceful and full of grace.

In a moment of fear, I was comforted by something outside of myself. This began my journey to where I am today. It shook me to my core and demanded that I learn to love differently starting with myself.

*If you or someone you know  is a victim of domestic violence, here are some resources to get help:

National Network to End Domestic Violence

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence

Surrender

September 1, 2016 by 1 Comment
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Imagine a fist held tightly. All it holds is the air and creates tension within the body. Then imagine the fist letting go. Notice the release of tension and free flowing air around each finger. Nothing fell out of the palm, because there was nothing to grasp.

Holding tightly onto something that isn’t there is useless and controlling. I have learned this lesson time and again. Perhaps it’s because I am Virgo or someone who does not like to feel out of control. But the minute I try to generate an outcome that seems forced, I create an unrealistic expectation, stress and anxiety.

Several years ago, I was going through a career transition and I remember thinking “I better get a job soon, I have bills to pay” as I wrote my check for my car payment leaving $23 to my name. It wasn’t for lack of trying to find a job, there just weren’t jobs available. So, I had to surrender and take a job as a courier.

I thought that I deserved a better position because of my background and transferrable skillset. My need for control was keeping me from moving forward. However, if I would not have accepted the position, I would have missed out on the opportunity that later resulted in abundant travel.

I was terrified when I let go. I thought that if I held on for just a bit longer, things would fall into place. They never did until I surrendered to the experience and the lessons that were begging to be learned.

When it feels like you are being blindly led, allow trust to take place.

The act of surrender is not giving up; It is an act of trust. This is a sacred place within the soul. A deep, vulnerable place to enter. To let the walls down around the heart and to open the soul to a possibility that can’t be seen is raw, yet absolutely exciting and brave.

There are several things I still need to surrender but each time I do and trust that everything will be alright; I am surprised by the grace of the universe. Situations that seem hopeless when in my control are completely turned around when I let go of the reigns. The universe lovingly allows me the time to realize I need to let go, and when I do, that’s where the miracles happen.

What we can’t see holds a gift if we allow it to happen. It is amazing when things are revealed after the act of trust. What I thought I needed or wanted is always replaced by something greater. With each act of surrender, I am learning that the universe really does have my back and listens to all the desires of my heart.