Author: Emily

The Gravity of Memory: Healing after Miscarriage

October 14, 2015 by 0 Comments
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It was a snowy night when I experienced one of the greatest sorrows of my life; I was suffering from a miscarriage. I was young, my dad drove methodically through the freak snow storm as my mom held me in the backseat. I was inconsolable, sobbing with deep emotion. Although the pregnancy was a surprise, I had grown to love and cherish the little one growing inside of me. Anticipation for his arrival filled my mind with hopes and dreams the longer I carried and after I felt him move; like a butterfly fluttering within.

At the hospital, The doctor searched for a heartbeat and I thought I heard the precious “whoosh whoosh” sound but it turned out to be my own heartbeat. I clenched everything inside of me trying to keep the baby inside. The nurses kept telling me it was already gone. The ER doctor kept calling it a ‘spontaneous abortion” it didn’t sit well with me. When I asked the doctor why it had happened he said “some babies just fail to thrive.” It wasn’t the concrete answer I had hoped for. It would have made me feel better if the answer told me what exactly happened. It was traumatic, painful  and sad.

The thing about miscarriage is that the pain is silent and mysterious. There are so many things that can create grief; the due date, the anniversary of the miscarriage, what they child would have looked like, the pain of a missed future. I had a hard time finding help talking about it. I was referred to a grief counselor who was confused by my immense sorrow only to be told “I usually help parents who had live children pass away” Her words were seared into my memory. I looked for books about miscarriage only to find myself in indexes pointing to a few pages that referenced it in pregnancy books; books I couldn’t bear to look at.

People tried to comfort me by telling me “time will heal” and “I understand your pain” which did the opposite of comfort me.

Miscarriage is ambiguous and painful. Each woman suffers in her own way. Whether the baby is planned or not, the loss of a pregnancy leaves questions and doubts about fertility and health. Perhaps it would be easier to recover from such a loss if there was an answer better than a statistic about the odds. I loved the baby I carried and considered it more than just a statistic.

It took me years to get over the pain. Seeing other pregnant women was hard. I felt defective when I would discuss what had happened. It is an uncomfortable subject but I believe it needs to be shared. There are too many of us with this silent grief which makes letting go and moving on just a bit harder.

The anniversary of my miscarriage passes each year with a tug on my heart. It happened 16 years ago,  yet the memory is clear and vivid. It was a catalyst for me and my life changed when I left the hospital. I became more determined by shutting out the pain and moving through college and my first career with a stoicism that hid my vulnerability well.

Looking back, I see that what transpired was a blessing in disguise. However, I was only able to see that after the grief was processed. Without having something to bury, I needed a way to let go and memorialize so I got a tattoo soon after.  Later on, I created a ceremony to let go of the pain and help me move on. It wasn’t until I started honoring my vulnerability and talking about this specific pain that healing began. I needed a safe place to talk about it and feel heard. I needed to know that my pain was valid.

I want to hold a safe place for women who are suffering from the grief of miscarriage. The pain is personal and deep. What I can do is listen with empathy and understanding. Talking about the pain helps with the healing process and honors the child that was lost. One of the reasons I wanted to become a spiritual life coach was because of this specific pain. I have learned the beauty in letting go with remembrance. A miscarriage is not forgotten but it does not have to hold you back.

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.
― Barbara Kingsolver 

Compassion and Empathy

September 16, 2015 by 0 Comments
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I spent the last few days in a community that showed up and had the courage to make room for empathy and compassion. The Valley Fire, in Lake County, California started on Saturday afternoon and grew rapidly burning several homes and displacing thousands.

There was such an outpouring of generosity, support and love for victims of the fire. Some people just wanted to have someone listen to them and spoke about their loss, fear and even hope. As they spoke, I could feel the inner stirring of compassion. I wanted to say the right words, but realized that I needed to just listen.

Others needed basic items like a toothbrush and a pair of socks. “All I wanted was a pair of socks, the weather started getting cooler and I found myself fixating on socks” a women told me as we searched for clothing in her size. She was thrilled to find a pair of socks and smiled with tears in her eyes.

I thought about the socks I was wearing and wondered if I had ever felt that much gratitude towards them or any of my clothing. That moment, I offered gratitude for my socks and realized that every little thing is precious; even socks.

Every day, several people just wanted to help those in need. People from surrounding communities held fundraisers and clothing drives. Deliveries of donated goods showed up by the truckloads. Everyone seemed to want to help. People who had been evacuated and then returned home, turned around and volunteered. It was truly amazing to witness.

This experience left me in tears several times. I did not understand exactly what it felt like to lose things in a fire, but I understand loss at a visceral level and was able to extend empathy. I noticed the same from other volunteers who extended themselves vulnerably to meet people in the midst of their pain.

Through compassion and empathy, we are able to connect with people on a deeper level. The ability to be there and stand in the discomfort with another person while they hurt is powerful. I recalled the people who have extended compassion and empathy towards me in the past and was able to overcome my initial discomfort because of those examples.

Loss isn’t easy. This fire left many people without homes and communities need to rebuild from the loss. However, seeing the humanity, compassion and empathy displayed so greatly reminded me that overall, people are good. Sometimes, in the face of suffering we shine our brightest for its in the darkness that our lights are needed the most.

 

Note: The efforts to help restore the community as well as continued firefighting efforts are ongoing. If you would like to help from afar, here is a great website with a list of needs and locations for donation drop-offs: www.lovelakecounty.org

Living with Intention E-Course

September 2, 2015 by
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It’s here!!!

After months of development, my E-Course is available. I am so excited to share this process that I created while finding my way out of a negative pattern. I wanted to live my life with purpose. I had quit my job, was in Bali for a month to figure out my next step and was encouraged to “Go from success to significance” by my seatmate on the plane.

I thought about these words as I dealt with the negative emotions that came flooding in once I slowed down. It is interesting how certain things wait to present themselves until they are sure to have your full attention. In Bali, these things included letting go, forgiveness and the big question “What do I do now?!”.

I wanted to make a difference, but I knew that in order to do that, I needed to change what was going on in my heart and soul. This is where intentional living came in and turned things around. One stormy night in Bali, it was the full moon and I set intentions. I poured my heart into the process. I listed what I wanted and needed to let go of. Soon, my outlook started to shift.

I took the process from that night and created a 5 step process that I share in this course. I have set intentions every month since that night and it is amazing to see the things that have transpired. This E-Course was one of my intentions a few months ago and my gratitude is overflowing from my heart that it is created. Intentional Living is approaching life and goals with purpose. It takes you inward and then outward by the actions you choose.

My hope is to inspire others to live intentionally and that is the purpose for this course. I have included 4 worksheets, a guided meditation, video and audio lessons. There is unlimited access so you can take your time with each lesson.

I am excited to hear about your intentional journey!

 

Making Dreams Come True in Bali

August 5, 2015 by

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I met Leo on my first trip to Bali in 2012. He was a barista in my favorite coffee shop, Kopi Desa, and we became friends during my stay. I returned last year to stay for a month and was so happy to see that he had started his own restaurant, Cupit BBQ. Cupit is located in Penestanan right outside of Ubud, the cultural center of Bali. The dining room looks over a river bank with lush tropical plants growing down the hill; such a lovely place.

Leo beams with positivity and greets everyone with a smile. His place specializes in BBQ and is a family run operation. You can tell that the food is made and served with love. It was one of my favorite spots to stop and hang out after a warm walk into town. He serves amazing homemade ginger ale and his beer is kept very cold.  Leo will even play guitar and have a sing-a-long with you if you ask nicely; one of my favorite memories from Bali.

I am inspired by Leo’s story and wanted to share a little bit of his spark. My hope is that this will inspire others to go after their dreams and not be afraid of the work they sometimes require.

What made you decide to go after your dream of opening Cupit BBQ?

Leo: Well since I had lots of experience in many restaurants as a barista, waiter and cook, I wanted to make something small like Cupit so I could do all the stuff I have learned. I wanted to have a restaurant before. When it all works, I want to travel to see the world.

What does “dream come true” mean to you?

L: The thing that we really wanted to have and we get it after the hard work we have done.

Are your dreams coming true?

L: I have Cupit but I have other dreams that I need to work out. I really want to travel as you know I tried for a U.S. visa before and that didn’t work. I want to try again and I want to travel to Europe. I know its going to be hard but I believe there are always ways to make it happen. I know I will get it. Cupit was my first dream and it came true.

When you were a little boy, what did you want to do when you grew up?

L: Honestly, I have know clue what  I want to be. Since we have a difficult life (poor) before, my family was always working. I started working the first time when I was 6 years old. I helped my mother sell her ice cream and part time I went to school. So, most of the time, I worked hard as a kid. Then I went to tourism school and I worked on better jobs and learned a lot of things.

Like English? Because you speak lovely English.

L: Yes! I learned English in university for 4 years. But before, I learned it a little bit as well in high school. I also learned Japanese as well in high school.

How many languages do you speak?

L: Bahasa, Balinese, English and a bit of Japanese now since I never practice. I am still learning Dutch and German.

That is amazing! Are you proud of yourself?

L: Yes! I had a big dream to make come true. “I am a dreamer, and I am not the only one” that’s written on my arm so I can see it and work on my dream.

I love that! So, I teach people about living an intentional life. It is basically not just working towards goals but having a reason (intention) behind everything we do. What would you say your intentions are?

L: Well I think for me its simple. I really want to change my life to be better than before. I want to see the world. By starting Cupit, I think I can make it happen.

Terima Kasih, Leo!

I greatly appreciate Leo for his openness and willingness to share with me. Most of all, I am grateful for his friendship and inspiration. Relentlessly pursuing a dream works with the right intentions. Leo wasn’t afraid of the hard work and I admire him for sticking to his dreams. When I returned home from my trip, his story inspired me to be brave and start my business. Bali continues to teach me lessons, even a year after I’ve returned. If you get a chance to visit this enchanted place, make sure to visit Leo’s restaurant and say hello. You won’t regret it.

Blue Moon Meditation

July 31, 2015 by

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The saying “Once in a blue moon” refers to the fact that a blue moon rarely happens; about every 2.5 years over a 100 year period. A Blue Moon occurs when 2 full moons appear in a calendar month. Today, July hosts its 2nd full moon.

This moon is all about truth and uncovering anything that may be holding us back from expressing our authenticity. Today is a great time to take a look into what may be causing a block to further growth and forward movement. Make a list  of things that need to be let go of. Perhaps there are things in your physical environment that causes a block. What needs to be let go of and removed. Allow yourself to detach from these things.

The past has also being highlighted recently and now is a good time to recognize any lessons the past may be trying to teach us. Is there something that is being held onto? Is forgiveness needed in a situation? Are old thoughts or patterns emerging? Are people reconnecting, forgiving or making amends? Take a moment to see what is being revealed and take action if needed. Offer gratitude to the past for its lessons and guidance and then move on.

Finally and most importantly, it is time to set intentions for the month ahead. After taking a look at all that needs to be let go and possible lessons the past has revealed, take a look forward. Where do you want to go? How do you want to feel in the next month? How do you want to shine?

Below is a guided meditation for you to take some time to relax and reflect.

If you are interested in learning more about living an intentional life and letting go of what no longer serves you, email me at emily@soulsadventures.com. Coaching is an effective tool to focus on moving forward in the direction you want your life to go.

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The Power of Prayer

July 22, 2015 by
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One of the themes that comes up often with spiritual coaching is prayer. I have coached a few people who have left the religions they grew up in and are seeking ways to connect with their spirituality. Each of these experiences have their own path to understanding. Since I have gone through a similar process, I appreciate and acknowledge the desire to slough off strict religious conditioning to embrace a search for meaning and spiritual practices.

This is my story about prayer…

When I was a child, I learned how to pray. I would confess my sins, express gratitude and request things from a God that seemed so far away. I remember spending most of my time wondering if my prayers were effective; if this giant force in the heavens was hearing me. I never really understood prayer much further than confess, give thanks and ask. It seemed rote and methodical.

I also remember learning the structure of a “proper” prayer. But sometimes, it was hard to follow the structure because I was sobbing through my words trying to find meaning, direction and hope. I would lay all my questions, pain, confusion and pride down to just bear my soul.

As I left the religion, prayer came with me, but in a different capacity. I noticed that prayer has always been a comfort to me and recognized the power that it holds.  I wanted to learn more about this ritual and find a more meaningful explanation than what I had learned as a child. There are different types and purposes of prayers and each religion has their own ritual around prayer. And although prayer has religious undertones, I wanted to discover a more personal practice to this ritual.

Looking back on everything that has transpired in my life, there are certain events that I can pick out that turned out better than I could have ever imagined. This is grace and it’s powerful. I recognize that I did a lot of hard work to achieve goals and get places, but I found strength, clarity and guidance with prayer during those times.

The more I willingly opened my heart and mind to this practice, I noticed a shift in my mindset. I was able to stress less and trust that the universe had my back. Every single time that I had great stress and anxiety, I realized it was because I was trying to tackle the issue on my own.

Here are the things I have experienced from prayer:

  • Having direct communication to God where I can pour out my heart is overwhelmingly sacred.
  • My mind is more focused on gratitude and I stop when something wonderful happens just to offer thanks. I notice beauty all around me because gratitude is a key element to prayer.
  • Knowing that I can have a conversation with God, no structure, just talk and process is very comforting and deeply personal.
  • There is no room for guilt because I can come with a contrite heart and receive grace and forgiveness for myself and others.
  • I can feel an energy shift during and after my time in prayer.
  • Letting go is easier.
  • Clarity often follows especially when sitting in meditation after prayer.
  • Stress and anxiety are reduced

There are so many powerful attributes to prayer and I love learning more and evolving my practice. If you find yourself trying to shed strict religious conditioning or would like to delve deeper into your spirituality, please email me at emily@soulsadventures.com.

“I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time – waking and sleeping. It does not change God – it changes me.”

-C.S. Lewis

How to Create a Prioritized Plan

July 8, 2015 by 0 Comments
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One of the main issues I help people with is prioritizing in business and every day life. It is easy to get caught up in the to-do lists and thoughts swirling in our heads. Knowing how to prioritize can create a more effective approach to work and life. With a prioritized plan, time is used more effectively and frees up unnecessary time saps.

Organization is an art and can be learned by implementing a few steps. Look at your current process and implement things from the steps below if they will help you become more efficient.

Here are a few tips on getting things done:

  1. Write down everything that you have to do (or thinking of doing). Use a white board, paper or fill a notebook. Just get it out of your head and onto paper.
  2. Go down your list and prioritize using 1,2,3 or A,B,C or even colors if that is more useful. 1/A being the most important and time sensitive. Are there things that you can delegate or eliminate?
  3. Create a timeline (day, week, month, quarter, year) and list tasks accordingly.
  4. Enter the tasks in your calendar. Add alerts if needed. When its on the schedule, it becomes concrete and is more likely to be completed.
  5. Stop multi-tasking. This is not an effective or efficient way to get things done. Pay attention to the task at hand and then move down the list.

Creating a well prioritized plan will create more order. Revisit your plan at the beginning of the week/month/quarter and revise accordingly. Life is fluid and ever-changing and plans should evolve accordingly. When we stay on top of our tasks and prioritize, we can make sure that our tasks are completed in a timely and organized matter. A good plan will make sure everything gets done and can eliminate some of the unnecessary tasks.

“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least”

-Goethe

If you would like help with prioritizing, organizing or creating a plan, I would love to help. Send me an email at emily@soulsadventures.com and let’s get the organization party started!

Guided Meditation: Thunder Moon

July 1, 2015 by 0 Comments
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For the past year, I have been practicing setting intentions and letting go of what no longer serves me. The first time I did this practice was a stormy night in Bali last July. The rain seemed endless and I researched ways to change my mindset. I came across setting intentions and created a ritual that I have practiced and honed over the past year.

The clouds parted and the full moon peaked out. I sat in moonlight and meditated on my intentions for the month. I recognized things that were holding me back from my intended outcomes, and I resolved to let them go. This was a process for the month as some things are held with a tighter grip. However, I realized that recognizing the hindrances was the first step of letting go.

This practice has created clarity and calm. I look forward to each Full Moon as a time to reflect and reset. Tonight is the Full Moon. This moon is known as “Thunder Moon” to symbolize summer thunderstorms. While I was recording this guided meditation yesterday, the sky started to rumble with thunder. I was excited for the synchronicity of events. I created this recording to share part of the ritual. My hope is that it brings peace and clarity to listeners.

If you are interested in learning more about setting intentions, please email me at: emily@soulsadventures.com

Peace and Clarity,

Emily

P.S. If you enjoyed this recording, please share it with friends and family. Thank you!

4 Steps to Help Transform Anxiety

June 24, 2015 by
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As a child, I was called a “worry wort.” I would cling to my bunk bed riddled with angst, refusing to go to school. I was always worried about something: going to hell, death, earthquakes because I grew up in the Bay Area and one year a fire in the Oakland hills.

As an adult, money worried me until I started working at a bank and learned how it worked. However, working at the bank added even more worry and anxiety to my life…

It was 2008, the market was experiencing a drastic down-turn and clients called daily with panic. I watched people lose their homes to foreclosure and come into the bank to yell and vent their frustrations. As I drove down the street towards work, I could feel my blood pressure rise and tears well up in my eyes. I would hyperventilate as I parked my car and wait for the wave to pass so I could go to work. The waves took longer and longer to pass as time went on which led me to seek help and try to get a grip on my escalating anxiety.

I had to join a support group as a requirement from my insurance which added even more anxiety for me. Listening to other people talk about their worries did not help me find relief. I eventually left my job because I could not function. I began looking for other alternatives for coping and this is when I found the practice of meditation.

At first, meditation was difficult. I had a hard time sitting still and quieting my mind. I would make lists, start thinking or get distracted by noises outside. Although, the more I practiced, I was able to find my inner silence and soon my intuition. In the silence, I have found peace, balance and answers.

My anxiety levels have dropped dramatically since I began meditating. I took the practice further and started writing down my fears. I found that transferring all the restless thoughts out of my head and onto paper helped alleviate the mental chatter.

Later on I learned about transforming my fears into strengths and finding ways to redirect the thoughts into something that served a purpose. Fear is a gift and arises as an alert. I began acknowledging my anxieties and looking for ways to transform the negative into a positive feeling or thought. I also realized that I was taking on people’s anxieties and reacting negatively. I implemented one of the Four Agreements as a daily practice. “Don’t take anything personally” and started to react less and less.

Learning to listen to my intuition and take a break to breath during stressful moments has changed my reactions. I have been told that I hold my breath when I am stressed or extremely focused. Mindfulness has help me become more aware of my breathing. I can use my breath to slow down my heart rate, focus and send much needed oxygen to the places where I hold my stress. The power of breath is transformative.

The daily practice of meditation has curbed my anxiety for the most part. However, there are situations where it still rears its chaotic head. When this happens, I go back to the tools that have helped me.

I have been practicing these 4 steps for a few years each time anxiety arises and they have helped me reduce worry and stress. When I feel the familiar inner flutter of anxiety, I start with these steps and repeat them daily until I find my balance again.

  1. Breathe: Sit with your breath for 5-10 minutes. Close your eyes in a comfortable seated position and breath in and out through your nose. Listen to your breath. Focus on taking even breaths. Count the inhale and exhale to even out the breath. Allow silence and peace to take over. If needed, time yourself to make sure you are getting a full 5-10 minutes of breathing.
  2. Reflect and Write: What is the root of the anxiety? What triggered the reaction? Write down every thought that comes to mind. There doesn’t need to be a structure, just get it out of your head and onto paper.
  3. Transform the thought: How can you restructure the negative thought into a positive one? Remember that fear is a gift and it serves a purpose. How is this serving you? Write down your observations.
  4. Movement: Taking a walk, running or even stretching can transform the energy. Redirect the nervous energy with movement. Get your blood flowing and capitalize on the oxygen that was just sent through your body through deep breathing.

With practice, these steps have helped transform my anxiety into something manageable. If you would like more information on meditation, writing exercises or transforming thoughts, please email me at emily@soulsadventures.com

 

A New Definition for Success

June 10, 2015 by 0 Comments

planeI silently sighed as I saw my impending situation for the next fourteen hours. I was going to be in the middle seat. My seat mates were discussing how one preferred the aisle over the window, and I just stood there while the seating arrangements were decided. Either way, I was going to be in the middle.

The flight was from San Francisco to Manila. The first layover en route to Bali. “This is an easy flight” the old man sitting next to me said as he adjusted his Bose earphones. He asked if I was headed to the Philippines and I let him know it was a layover.

For the next several hours, I had a lovely conversation with him. He trains teams in emergency response all over the world. He was flying to the Philippines to teach residents how to reclaim their water and drill new wells. He asked me where I was headed and my plans for the trip. I let him know that I had recently quit my job to travel and figure out my next step. He nodded and then went into a long explanation on how life is supposed to be lived now and to not wait for the future because it may never come.

His background was in the military as a paratrooper and said he never felt fear until he went on a ride at a fair with his daughter where he was scared for her safety. “I jumped out of planes into war zones and nothing compared to the fear I felt in possibly losing something I loved.” This was a turning point for him where he decided to live life fully.

The conversation was rich and we discussed gifts that each person has and I told him that I could tell his was service and encouragement. He told me that I had encouragement too because he was inspired by my story. This surprised me because I had been battling some doubt on whether or not I had made the right decision.

Then he said something to me that I will never forget, “Now you need to go from success to significance.” He explained that success is only a portion of happiness, what really matters is living a life full of significance…a legacy (even if you don’t have children). Forward thinking and how one acts after unexpected events is key. How we react shapes what happens next.

I was so grateful to sit next to this man. I think back to how I felt when I realized that I was going to sit in the middle for a long flight and how a negative thought turned into a memorable conversation. It was serendipitous to meet this man and have such a meaningful conversation about direction just a week after I quit my job. I didn’t know what was next. I knew I wanted to make a difference, but I was still in the mindset of success by any means. Changing my mindset to significance and making a difference by helping others completely transformed my life.

I began living my life with intention, striving to make a difference and using my gifts. I have had 2 career transitions in my life and this time, I feel like I am going after my true desires. Taking the time to listen to my intuition and striving for a life of significance is a new definition of success for me. The anxieties that I felt with my first career break are not present because my focus is on something greater.

Everyone has a special gift to share with the world. Seeing significance as success definitely requires a change of thought. When we are  living the life we are meant to be living, success is measured in non-tangible ways.  My gratitude is boundless to the universe for the middle seat and the wisdom I learned on that plane.

How can you add significance to you success story?