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I am so excited to announce that my second book will be here in the Fall. I have been working on this project for some time now and can’t wait to share it with you. Stay tuned for more information in the weeks to come.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Author: Emily
2018 Reflections
I love reflecting at the end of the year. Each years comes with surprises, challenges and wins. This year, I found myself searching for answers to why my energy levels tanked while preparing to get married. The dichotomy of these two things reminded me that challenges make joy deeper.
Our wedding day arrived with rain that San Diego desperately needed but rarely experienced. As I looked out the window, I realized that the outdoor ceremony I had been dreaming of would be cold and rainy. I felt a wave of panic but decided to choose joy because I was marrying a wonderful man and every person I loved the most was in town to help us celebrate.
As I walked down the aisle, my dad sweetly held an umbrella over my head. My best friend was singing Sara Bareilles’ I Choose You lyric:
“I am not scared of the elements
I am under-prepared, but I am willing
And even better
I get to be the other half of you”
I looked out at our guests which were a sea of different colored umbrellas. Our wedding party was bravely standing on either side of the beautiful tree we were about to get married under. My brother was the officiant and he was smiling ear to ear. At the end of our wet, grassy aisle was Nate. He was standing in the rain, smiling, unfazed by the rain that was dripping off his tux.
I replay this memory over and over. There was so much joy in that moment. And every failed relationship, tear shed, stress over rain faded away and made that joy even greater because I once knew what it felt like to not feel that happy.
This year surprised me in so many ways. The highlights outweigh the struggles. I went into this year feeling defeated by my body because adrenal fatigue is no joke. I cried more tears than I thought possible this year for no reason other than my body just needed the release. I slept more that ever because I couldn’t stay awake. Trying to come back from that was a lot of work and surrendering to the fact that I didn’t have control.
When I stopped trying to control my body and advocated for my health by finding someone who was willing to help me find my vibrancy again, things fell into place. I now have a better understanding of my health than ever before and can look back with gratitude for the struggle.
As 2018 comes to a close, I can look back with pride and joy. I worked hard this year. We all worked hard this year. I watched my clients start new businesses, set boundaries, shed bad habits and beliefs that were holding them back. All the work that was put in, reaped rewards, lessons and joy.
If I were to choose a word to wrap up this year it would be JOY. I started this year unsure of how I would be able to ride what felt like a rollercoaster. But, I am here, safe and sound, wiser and happier than when it began. The support and love that poured in from family and friends meant so much to me.
I learned that joy is a choice. I can choose to be joyful even when everything hits the fan because in the end, there is greater understanding and the joy feels fuller and deeper.
For anyone that may be going through something hard, know that the light at the end of the tunnel eventually appears. Ask for help. We can’t always be the strong one. Sometimes, we need to surrender and allow in order for joy to make its way back to us.
May your new year be full of beautiful realizations, growth and joy beyond measure.
3 Tips to Harnessing Your Bravery
Bravery is something that we all wish we had a little more of. Life has inevitable changes and some are more nerve wracking than others. Bravery’s call is usually from a place deep within and some examples are: to quit your job, end a bad relationship, start your own business, get on stage, have that important conversation, fall in love, or many other ‘scary’ things.
We can all do hard things; it’s a fact of life.
Just think about where you are now and what you have gone through to get here. YOU have overcome obstacles and are brave! Even with this truth, there are times where bravery seems to have disappeared. But, bravery is always with you.
Here are 3 tips to harness bravery and overcome your next obstacle. These tips are meant to help you tap into your innate courage.
1 – Reframe Limiting Beliefs and Fear Based Thoughts
Fear has a tendency to swoop in and say a variety of things to keep us from moving forward. Negative thoughts are limiting beliefs that we have created and can be reframed with practice. When you notice these thoughts creeping in, reframe with an empowering thought.
A good exercise for this is to make a list with 2 columns. On the right hand side, list your limiting beliefs and fear based thoughts. Then, on the left hand side, reframe each thought into an empowering one. Then, when you find yourself stuck in negative thought patterns, you can access this list and reframe and reset.
This exercise is powerful because when we get stuck in our heads, it helps to get the thoughts out on paper. Instead of allowing the thoughts to endlessly circulate, write them out and empower yourself by reframing the thoughts that don’t serve you.
2 – Create an Action Plan
Fear can be a motivator or a paralyzer. Brave people are afraid but active. Inaction can create complacency and it is easy to get stuck and give up. Creating an action plan is a great way to tackle this obstacle. This can be as simple as writing out everything you need to do to move forward or you can even create a detailed plan.
Once you make a list of all the things you need to do, choose one thing you can do in the next 48 hours to get the ball rolling. Even if it is a baby step, it is forward motion. Action will create momentum towards your goal and is one of the most effective tools of bravery. Think of a hiker, they just put one foot in front of the other slowly making their way to the top of a mountain.
Keep moving. Hire a coach or enlist a friend to hold you accountable. You do not have to embark on this journey alone.
3 – Embrace Ambiguity
Bravery = Adventure and it isn’t an adventure if we know what is around every corner. There is supposed to be unknown twists and turns. This is where growth and awe occurs. Think about a time when you didn’t know what to expect and how in the end, everything turned out alright. Sometimes, things are better than expected. But if we hold onto the need to know, we create an expectation and can block what is trying to occur from happening.
Letting go is key. One of the greatest tools to help let go is meditation. Taking the time to breathe into the anxiety that ambiguity creates, can help dissipate its power. Stillness is also a space to hear your soul speak. When we get in our heads, our thoughts can be overpowering. Taking the time to stop, breathe and reset is an effective way to release the grip of control and find the flow of your soul.
Trust that everything will all be revealed in due time and enjoy the ride. Bravery grows in ambiguity and you will emerge with a better story and sense of self if you let things fall as they intend to.
How to Find Answers Through Stillness
I was traveling all over and found myself feeling lost, sad and like my entire travel dream had died. So, I went home. Being home was difficult at first. My plans were diminished and I had to sit still and ask questions regarding direction and purpose. Meditation became a lifeline for me. At first, I squirmed and found a million things to think about as I made mental lists. Distractions seemed constant and I thought I would never learn to be still. However, the more I sat still, the calmer I became.
This calm brought answers. They weren’t the answers I was expecting or particularly wanted, but I was open and began pursuing a modified version of my dreams.
I love to write and dreamed of writing anything since I was a child. I found myself surrounded by books and journals compiling and studying. I started to writing about my travels from my home while studying for my new life path which gave me ample time for stillness. My intuition finally found its voice as I allowed it to speak over my busy mind that was learning to quiet itself.
I learned meditation is a practice and each day required practice, breathing and intention.
One of the greatest lessons for me was from Pico Iyer speaking about stillness: “The best way I could develop more attentive, more appreciative eyes was oddly by going nowhere, just sitting still.” I was experiencing this and realized that my travels were no longer seen through the eyes of wonder and I needed to reset that passion within me. So, I wrote and wrote and wrote and continued to meditate, searching for answers and lessons. With this practice, gratitude emerged. I was able to revisit my adventures from a place of stillness, with new eyes and a grateful heart. And through this process, I learned even more lessons from my times away.
Wanderlust is a part of me. Stillness is now also a part of me. My next endeavor was to fine tune these two parts into a balanced whole. Learning to listen to the still small voice within and trusting the universe’s guidance will continue to fascinate me.
Meditation is an act of letting go.
I have been working on this for some time. With each lesson of surrender, I find myself opening up even more in a new expansiveness. Possibilities are endless and going with the flow, although still difficult at times, has proven to be the best route for me.
When you find yourself looking for answers, sillness can be a great tool. When we quiet the conscious mind, we can sift through all the ideas and thought in our subconscious. Here are a few steps to help:
- Try sitting still. Close your eyes and begin to feel yourself relax from your toes to the top of your head. Do this in sections. Feel your feet relax, then your legs, then your abdomen, your throat, face and finally your entire body.
- Let your breath be your guide. Take a deep breath in through your nose, and out through your nose. Count to 10, using the breath for each count: 1 – breathe in, 2 – breathe out, etc…
- Ask your question, wait for the answer, breathing in and out.
- If a thought emerges, notice it and send it on its way, don’t stop and dwell, just let it go and continue breathing.
This is a practice and gets easier with time. At first, the most important thing will be to learn how to become still. This lesson alone is extremely beneficial. In time, you will notice answers and ideas pop up. Stillness gives them room to emerge.
Sometimes the most important place to be is nowhere.
Choosing Joy
Every month, I choose a theme to set the tone for how I want my month to go. I starting this practice four years ago and it amazes me what transpires around each themes. What I intend to feel and focus on always presents a lesson to learn. I find that at the end of the month, I have created momentum to welcome the attribute into my life.
Basically, the universe delivers circumstances where I can exercise whichever muscle I say I want to strengthen. For instance, the month I chose patience was trying, but I did become more patient because the opportunities and intention were there and I met them with the willingness to grow. The month I chose stillness was the slowest month socially, but with plenty of time to learn to be still.
The universe meets us where we are at and provides the tools and lessons needed to activate our desired outcomes.
This month, I am choosing joy. I wanted to choose a theme where I knew I could gain more strength and be celebratory because August is my birthday month and I love birthdays! My intention is to welcome more joy into my life and choose joy when I feel negativity creep in. I want to calibrate my brain towards joy and rewire the pathways that default to lower vibrations like anger, sadness, judgement, jealousy and anxiety.
Choosing joy does not mean that happiness is a constant state. It means, when joy is the hardest to feel, I want to work on choosing it and strengthen my emotional resilience.
Going through hard things makes joy even greater.
When I visualized what this would look like, it thought about those moments when I feel my face scrunch up because a smile just isn’t enough to express how happy I feel. I call these heart smiles and have been known to use the expression “you/it made my heart smile” because I feel the joy so deeply. People, experiences, nature and certain memories are things that bring so much joy, my heart bursts with happiness. The great thing is that feeling is available to me at all times.
For instance, I waited a long time to get married, I have the heart scars to show it. There were so many sad endings and at points, I didn’t know if it would happen for me. Then, I got very specific and intentional to attract the relationship I desired. When I met my husband, I knew it was him. It was the most sure I had ever been in my life. I told my close friend that I met the man I was going to marry after our first date. Sure, it sounds strange, but I knew it.
Fast forward to our wedding day, I could not get down the aisle fast enough to marry him. He was standing at the end of the aisle beaming, my eyes were fixed on him. My heart was smiling and instead of crying tears of joy, I had perma-grin, my heart found joy. Even as I type this, I can feel that emotion of seeing him as I walked down the aisle well up inside my heart. It is a beautiful feeling: joyful, exciting and deep.
Joy lives deep within us and is ready to be recalled at a moments notice.
So what can one do when they feel negativity creeping in? Try this practice to help retrain the brain to find joy:
- Identify one of the most joyful moments in your life; one where you felt like your heart would burst with happiness.
- Now, REALLY feel it. Feel it in your heart, your mind, your skin, your gut…
- Sit with that feeling.
- Breathe in the positive vibes that memory provides.
- Notice the energy shift that occured because you just took a moment to choose joy.
Remember: this feeling is available to you at any time. You can access it whenever you feel a lower emotional state. Just take a moment to practice this exercise at those times and the feelings of joy can arrive. The more we stop negative emotions from taking over and choose joy, they less frequently our brain will want to default to negativity. This practice raises your vibration and since like energy attracts like energy, higher vibrations will arrive.
What will you choose to focus on this month?
How to Begin a Meditation Practice
“How do I start meditating” is a question I am frequently asked. “I can’t get my mind to stop thinking!” is usually the reason for the question.
Meditation does not mean the absence of thought. To meditate is to become quiet and fully present. This means that thoughts and emotions will still arise. The key is to notice them and then let them go. The attachment to the thought and emotion is what keeps us from being present. If the thought truly needs attention, it will be there when you are done meditating. Usually, taking the time to calm the mind, allows for nervous thoughts to dissipate and be released.
Mindfulness is a practice that has changed my life. I went from being anxious, craving control to learning how to release the tension and find time to sit still, away from distraction so everything could slow down.
Stillness is a beautiful act of self care.
Imagine if each of us took 10 minutes each day to slow down, release tension and find a place of peace and presence. Not only would there be more calm, but the actual energy of the planet would elevate.
Each of us operate at differing vibrational frequencies. When we choose to be calm, loving, compassionate, joyful, we are operating at a high vibration. The opposite is true when we choose to anger, sorrow, frustration and jealousy. Simply put, we literally feel down when our vibration is low.
It is normal to have both high and low vibrations in a day. However, the choice to raise your vibration is powerful and meditation can help. This is a practice that can be done anywhere and at any time. You can begin your day with it, use it when a stressful situation occurs, when you just want a moment of stillness or even to prepare for bed.
Try to meditate every day for a week straight and see if you notice a difference.
Here is a simple way to begin:
- Find a quiet place to sit. This can be in your office at your desk, in the morning while laying in bed, in your car before you go into the grocery store even!
- Close your eyes OR keep them open.
- Learn to notice your breath by counting to 10. Inhale -1, Exhale -2, Inhale -3, Exhale -4…
- Repeat this 3 – 5 times until you feel calm. (You may need to do it more than 3 times, depending on the day, but 3 is a good start.)
- Smile, you just meditated!!
How do you feel? Notice any changes that took place. Realize that this tool is available to you wherever you are whenever you need it. All you need to do is count your breath. Counting also keeps your mind focused on the task at hand and not on the to-do list that is always faithfully waiting to enter your thoughts!
Remember: if a thought arises, notice it and let it go.
Try using this practice every day for a month and see what happens to your mood and the way you react to things.Start a meditation journal to chronicle your journey if you’d like. This is your practice and you need to make it your own.
Eventually, stillness is a welcome occurrence and you will seek it out. In this space, intuition speaks and answers arrive.You may even notice being more present during conversations and more aware of yourself and the needs of others. Your vibration will be rising each time you meditate and you will attract like frequencies into your life.
If you want to take your practice even further, you can try guided meditations or even sitting without counting for 5 or 10 minutes. This is a practice and the goal is not perfection. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you begin. Each time you choose stillness, you are creating space for intuition to grow and calm to take place.
On Changing My Name
I have had my name for 37 years. A lot of amazing things have happened with this name. I have a book with it on it’s spine and I love the way it looks; symmetrical to my first name. My passport bears my name as do my past achievements.
I think about his name and what it represents and the amazing family that I inherit just by falling in love. I think about our possible children. I think about how a new name could help me move on from so many things my current name is attached to. I think about new beginnings and fresh starts. I think about how much I love the man who bears this name.
I have decide to take his name. The joy on his face when I tell him is beautiful. I know in that moment I have made the right decision. Why would I think twice for just a name? I could change my name to anything whenever I want. Many people do. But this change is symbolic and is an act of love and trust. My independent core is revolting, yet my heart is melting into the beautiful security it provides.
My relationship is a steady oak tree. Roots continue to dig deep, and this is what I have always wanted. It is amazing to me that the thing I most craved is causing my anxiety. I wanted security and stability and it delivered the most stable human I have ever met. He is unshakable, and he is teaching me that stability comes through trust, growth and love.
Hence the roots, my stability never matured because I was constantly in a state of up-rootedness. I moved constantly as a child and then continued the pattern as an adult; always craving something new. I am learning to stay put which is why this urge has been so loud. I am used to movement. I am used to being elsewhere and dreaming of elsewhere.
I chose to change my name because for years, I had known struggle alongside great achievement. I had an identity of anxiety mixed with excitement. At times I felt frayed at both ends, always striving: to be something great, achieve the next promotion, make a name for myself, to be acknowledged.
Then, he came into my life and things became effortless. Our love happened so easily. I had spent years trying to make people love me and make myself fall in love. I would strain to see the good in others, make up meanings to try to fit. There was so much resistance; a clue that it wasn’t right. Yet, I persisted, and my heart continued to break.
Sometimes persistence is in vain. Sometimes “no” makes way to the greatest “yes”.
When I met him, the resistance faded, and I just knew it was him. I had spent time envisioning him. I knew what it felt like to be with my person. My visualizations became so familiar that I felt chills every time something familiar occurred on our first date. The conversation was exactly as I imagined, and I felt relieved knowing that the universe heard my deepest desire and was delivering it.
I had waited 3 years for him to appear. I had gone on dozens of first dates and this one was the last. As I sat across from him and listened to him speak about his journey, I felt resonance and respect. It was a comforting feeling but also surreal. I was meant to meet this man at that moment.
So then why was I feeling so conflicted about changing my last name?
It wasn’t cold feet, it was terrified feet and I had to return to the space inside my heart that was unfolding, ready to receive love. This is the space where my feminine nature resided. She had been preparing this space for him even when I was trying to keep hurt from penetrating my heart.
This place of unfolding was where I find the strength to abandon all my fears of losing myself and rise to the challenge of becoming a wife.
This is the space of creation and I am ready to create a new life with him. I feel honored to take his name. In this unfolding I am learning surrender. I made a note to remember this realization because I know myself and the times when I refused to unfold, have always been the times when relationships became near impossible.
Our family is just beginning, and we are a team. Not one on one, but together, working towards a common goal. I feel aligned with him and ready to take on whatever life has in store. I had to allow him into the place that I guarded so fiercely. He makes me feel safe and I trust him with this part of me. I know my heart has found its home.
When to Move On
How do you decide when to move on?
When things fall apart, it can be hard to find the initiative to get back up to find the space to start or create something new. Days can seem to drag on and putting one foot in front of the other can seem like a huge feat. Sometimes, it feels like you are stuck and doomed to live in a cycle of disappointment.
Figuring out action steps can help bring your mind out of the fog but make sure to give yourself the time to process the disappointment. If it is time to move on, it’s okay to mourn the loss. Allow the healing to occur and take an active role by looking forward to creating something new when the time is right.
Some important questions to ask when there is something that may feel like it is falling apart are:
- What isn’t working?
- Is there something I can change to make it work?
- If I let go and move on from this, what are my next actions?
- What do I want to be working towards?
Be honest with yourself and take time to write out the answers. After you answer the questions, look to see if anything sticks out. Are there common themes, new revelations or is the answer clear and the writing exercise solidified your intuition? Sit with the answers, meditate on the next steps and recognize any closure that needs to take place.
Perhaps the most important thing to note is the last question. If where you are now does not help you get to where you want to be, then the answer is clear. Getting clear on what you want to do can ease the pain of ending something that is not meant to be.
When things end, it is important to get back up, even if it takes some time. Making daily efforts to try again seems difficult at first, but after a while the practice of doing creates the momentum needed to move forward. In order to allow growth to take place, movement is necessary.
When life gives us a “no” it creates space for expansion. This is a place for possibility and dreaming. The opposite of expansion is contracting. If contracting is happening, it holds on to pain and disappointment. Stagnation can occur and often times, resentment. Imagine a fist releasing its grasp. Notice how the hand expands as it lets go of its tight hold.
Release and expand; this is the action most beneficial for moving on.
Let what needs to fall down, fall. Don’t act like Sisyphus, continually pushing his boulder up the mountain just to push against gravity once more; this was his curse. Whatever is falling apart, does not need to be a curse. Look to see the blessing in disguise. There is something waiting for this to end in order to have the space it needs to enter your life.
Let go and receive whatever may come with open arms, mind and heart. Replace resistance with cooperation. Momentum can aid in cooperation and soon moving forward will feel exciting and new beginnings will emerge. All you have to do is be honest with yourself, find clarity and start moving forward, one step at a time. In time, the space will be filled with something new.
Taking a Sabbatical
Are you ready to take a break from work?
When you find yourself at the edge of quitting your job to take a sabbatical or at an unexpected career break, a spark forms inside. There is a mixture of anxiety and freedom marking the start of a very important transition; the birth of something new.
Sabbaticals range in time but they all have a common theme. It is a time to look inside yourself to figure out what you really want to do next. This pause in work creates the space to evaluate, plan and listen to intuitive cues. The time is finally available to sit and think about direction.
This time is a gift and although there is some anxiety because the next step is unknown, embrace the ambiguity. Sit with the question. Allow the silence to be a guide.
I have experienced two sabbaticals in my life. The first one was after my career as an investment banker where I watched the downfall of the market and was plagued with anxiety. I was too young to feel that upset all the time. So, I cashed out everything, including my retirement account and moved away to figure out my next step. The time was spent in a new city, exploring a part of the US I had never seen and taking one big trip with the last of my money to visit a friend in Australia. When I returned, I found a job in an industry I had grown quite passionate about–wine.
I worked in the wine industry for five years working my way from a courier to an account manager where I consulted wine makers on their wine making processes. The job gave me the opportunity to travel all over the world and learn so much about wine. After a few years on the road constantly, I began to feel burnt out. I was home a few days a month and exhausted. My passion had waned and I wanted stability and community more than anything.
I resigned after saving and planning my next steps. I was terrified when I handed in my resignation letter and letting go of the financial security that I had created and worked so hard for. But, my intuition told me this was a necessary move.
My plan was to travel the world and write a book. I had a one way plane ticket to Bali but something told me to keep my apartment. I would travel in spurts. While I was in Bali, all of my plans disintegrated and my true path revealed itself. I resisted and argued with the realization. Knowing that my wanderlust was being put on the back burner broke my heart. But it was clearly the right answer.
I returned home and settled in and signed up for a coaching certification. This transition has had its share of doubt, anxiety and ambiguity. However, the biggest difference was the way I approached it.
The key was to trust my intuition and know that the universe was going to provide the path as long as I stayed open and listened for guidance.
During this time, I received coaching from a colleague and truly believed in the importance of a coach during transition. Not only can coaching provide guidance and accountability, it can also open your mind to the universal clues we can’t see when we shut down out of frustration.
If you are going through or thinking about a career transition and would like to discuss coaching, please email me at emily@soulsadventures.com. I offer effective tools to tap into your intuition and find clarity on what it is your really want to do, provide planning tools and accountability.
With coaching, you can create a plan to take your next career step with confidence.
Your profession is not what brings home your paycheck. Your profession is what you were put on Earth to do with such passion and such intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling. -Vincent Van Gogh
Worm Moon
Spring is soon arriving! As the ground thaws after a long winter, the soil begins to aerate thanks to the movement of earthworms. Underneath, where no one can see their work, worms are creating a healthy environment for seeds and roots to take place.
Even before the eye can behold the plant, important inner work is being completed.
Tonight’s Worm Moon highlights the work that needs to be completed in our souls. Allow the light of the full moon to illuminate the places where you would like growth to take root. Clear out the soul clutter that has accumulated and create room for movement.
Soul clutter can look like the following:
- Hurt Feelings
- Resentments
- Attachment
- Expectations
- Bitterness
- Obsessive Thoughts
When we hold on to things that no longer serve us, we stunt our own growth and healing. Vibrancy radiates from the inside outward. Letting go revitalizes and gives space where restriction once occurred.
There have been several things in my own soul that have accumulated as clutter. I realized that I was unable to focus on the amazing things that are happening because I held on to single events that caused pain. By holding onto the new pain, I wasn’t being present for the new joy flowing into my life. I was caught off guard by the whirlwind that persisted through the calm of joy.
I had to decide to embrace the joy and let go of what was no longer serving me to fully appreciate the magnitude of what was happening in my life.
Soul clutter will numb the joy and even the sorrow. We can get so attached to the feeling of clutter that we don’t even realize we are holding on to something negative. It is like hoarding negative emotions; the more we ignore them, the more comfortable they become. In stillness, we can discover the places that need to be moved and aired out.
Here is a good way to locate the places that need clearing out:
- Sit in a quiet place and write down how you have been feeling lately. Notice how your body, mind and spirit feel. Take note on how your relationships have been functioning and how you relate to your physical environment.
- Write how you would like to feel in each area.
- Then note what keeps you from feeling or experiencing what you want to feel or experience. (These are the things you need to let go of.)
- Choose 1 or 2 things to let go of tonight. Allow yourself the next month to focus on letting go.
- Watch for new growth where there was once stagnation.
- Offer gratitude (every single day).
During a full moon, it is important to notice what no longer serves you. Think of the amount of light the moon is reflecting. Use this time to see all the places where clutter has been stored, release it and allow the moon’s light to illuminate the new space so what is meant to be there will find its way.