One year ago, I went on my first date with the man I fell in love with. I had given up on falling in love as the 2016 New Year began. I gave dating it’s fair shot and found myself disappointed more times than I cared to think about. After years of dating (online, set-ups, apps…) I was ready to throw in the towel and date my passport.
During a discussion with a friend who was newly dating someone she found amazing, I told her that I would spend the year single and just focusing on my work and adventure.
“Just give it one more try.” she encouraged. “You have to keep putting yourself out there even through the disappointment.” I told her that I would think about it and maybe try.
I was scared to put my heart out there again and started to feel the comfort of solitude once more. Was this idea really worthwhile?
When I stepped back from the situation, I realized that I needed to get crystal clear on what I wanted. I saw that my expectations created a sense of control that was actually just causing stress. I wanted to intentionally put myself out there and create the heart space for love to reenter.
So this is what I did:
- I made a list of what I really wanted and what was the most important and started to visualize this man. At first, I thought it was a joke, but the more I dug deep into what I really wanted, I could actually see and feel it happening.
- I worked on emulating what I desired. (loving, open, compassionate…)
- I made sure that if I agreed to go on a date, it would only be if the person seemed to align with this vision.
- I let go of expectations…This is a big one. Letting go when the heart is involved is so so hard!
- I trusted that the universe knew exactly who I needed in my life.
That was it. I made this decision and on January 27th, I went on a date with the most amazing man I have ever met.
Something inside of me calmed down after our first encounter. It wasn’t until a few months later that I realized my heart had found a home.
When I think back on all the struggles, heartaches and tears, I see that I was pushing something to happen that I wasn’t really clear on. With clarity and intentional focus, everything else cleared away. There was no question or anxiety when it came to him and we came together naturally.
Getting to know and falling in love with him has been one of the greatest adventures of my life. When I decided that I was going to get clear on what I wanted, I opened my eyes, mind and heart to whatever that would be.
I wrote this to give hope. I waited 35 years to find my person. I speak to women all the time in coaching sessions wondering when love will find them. I did not expect to find a man on a little app who happened to have the same values as me.
Don’t give up hope! When we talked about how we met, we realized that we both did the same thing to manifest each other. He had a list and visualized it too. I could not believe it. What you seek is seeking you.
When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.
I kept this quote close to my heart during my years of searching. So for any of you who wonder “WHEN?!” I hope this brings some peace to the “furnace” of anxiety. Get specific (I can’t say this enough) and then let go of control. He’s out there…and so are you. Find your place of patience and allow love to flow. There is peace on the other side of the struggle.
And to my lovely, intentional man: thank you for manifesting, visualizing and showing me that love is effortless and amazing with the right person.