When a Friendship Ends

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Our energies did not match any more. We were growing apart. After almost a decade of inseparable friendship, we no longer had the common ground that kept us on the same path. I had traveled continents with her, shared thousands of tears and laughs, we knew each other’s deepest darkest secrets. But that was not strong enough glue to keep the friendship together.

It had been clear for some time that we were growing apart. Our time together seemed almost forced. I had grown to love my friend dearly, but noticed a strange pattern of need growing between us. I felt the friendship had become one-sided and it started to hurt more than uplift.

At first I was devastated. I didn’t think another friendship could compare to our sister-like bond. Then, I became very upset “How could she treat me with such disregard?” I would repeat over in my head. It was painful to know that she was still hanging out with mutual friends. I just wanted everyone to be on my side; but it wasn’t their fight.

Confusion traded places with anger and I went back and forth between the two for a while. I wanted to let go and be okay. In the age of social media, clear boundaries have to be made when a relationship ends. It is easy to assume the other person does not hold any regard or brags in hopes to appear like moving on was easy and seamless. I had to let go of all assumptions in order to heal.

I came to a place of forgiveness after a year had passed. The wound was no longer fresh and I was able to unpack the pain and blame, allowing the openness to feel comfortable. I wanted the new space to be filled with friendship that was autonomous, loving and nurturing.

I got specific on how I wanted to feel inside a friendship and recognized what I needed to work on in order to propagate that.

The lessons that took place during the process of healing were hard. There were patterns that I had created in relationships that I had to recognize and amend. The pain created an awareness that was filled with a softening and grace. I went from “How dare you!” to gratitude.

When a friendship ends, it isn’t easy to forgive and forget. Allow yourself to feel the pain and process the lessons as they come. Healing and forgiveness are on their way. Grace makes sure of that–where that big gaping hole was created, friendship appears. Sometimes not in the same form or what we expect, but the universe loves space. When we give up what we think should fill the gaps, we can be surprised by what is intended for our hearts.

When a friendship ends, it hurts. Confusion, anger, sadness and frustration take the place where laughter, understanding and connection once thrived. In order to move forward, there are some things one can do to create a healthy environment in the heart and soul…

  1. Set boundaries
  2. Create an intention for how you want to feel in a friendship
  3. Release judgment and blame to create room for growth and healing
  4. Forgive yourself and the other for whatever happened
  5. Allow the space to be created for the universe to deliver likeminded friendships
  6. Offer gratitude for the friendship
  7. Send the other person love and LET GO

Whether there is a specific reason or several misunderstandings that lead to the end of a friendship, compassion, forgiveness and grace can heal a wound that runs deep. We may never know why the other person moved on, but we can take responsibility for our hearts and souls and fill the space with love. When we let go in love, more love can enter.

Forgive. Let go. Be Open.

Finding Your Tribe

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For years I wanted to create a network of friendships where we encouraged, inspired and held each other accountable. Finding a group of likeminded individuals took some time as my ideals and beliefs were taking shape and solidifying. I spent a good portion of the past decade moving around and travelling the world where I made friendships but my soul longed for the deep connection of sisterhood and community.

Over the past couple years, I have watched a creation of a tribe of some very lovely souls. Some I have known for quite some time and others entered my life more recently.  A tribe does not necessarily need to live near each other;  there are common threads of love, compassion and respect.

I met each one through different circumstances and watching them form their own bonds over the years has been quite heartwarming for me. We are each different and unique, however, we mesh together in a loving and encouraging way.

I attribute finding my tribe to opening my heart and putting down roots.

I recently visited my sister in the Pacific Northwest. One day, I was sitting out on her deck amongst the treetops watching the wind blow through the pine needles. She explained how evergreens have shallow roots but continue to grow tall. Part of their survival depends on their growth in a community of other trees. This communal aspects helps protect the trees’ vitality and against the elements.

Their roots grow outward and the mingling of roots help the trees create strength…just like the mingling of differing backgrounds can create strength. Throughout storms, the intermingled root systems reveal and produce the strength of the community.

Another attribute of evergreens is the ability to stay green during the darker times of winter. Even when light is dimmed and other trees shed their leaves and become dormant, evergreens showcase their color. A tribe supports each other to shine amidst life’s hardships and darkness. When one is going through a particular hard time, the rest of the tribe can hold them up and provide strength and light.

Think about your own friendships and ask the following questions…

  • Does this person encourage me to be the best version of myself?
  • Is there a spirit of love?
  • Do we align on ideals and respect each other’s differences?
  • Are we honest with each other, even when it’s difficult?
  • Do they inspire and provide light during my dark times and vice versa?

Take some time today to offer gratitude for your tribe. Send them a card, text or call them to express your love and gratitude.

Find your tribe, love them hard. – Danielle Laporte

Are you going through a transition? Looking for some clarity? Let’s work together!