Change

A New Place to Share My Writing…

April 25, 2022 by 0 Comments

I’ve started a newsletter and podcast! Head over to subscribe, read, and listen!

Here is a sample of my latest newsletter…

Coping with Infertility

Kim Belverud Photography

It’s hard to know that your body doesn’t want to cooperate with your plans. As a meticulous planner, I felt like I had found the perfect time to work on planning for a family now that my business was more stable, I was married and we were ready to look for houses. Things felt like they were falling into place. 

To be honest, I thought that careful planning was all one needed to make things happen. I was ready for the work, the measuring and tracking. I spent the previous year learning how to mother myself and heal past childhood mother wounds because I was afraid to carry on generational trauma that my genes carried.

In the past I had a strained relationship with my mother who had a strained relationship with her mother who had a strained relationship with her mother. If I was old enough to ask before she passed away, I could find out if my great-grandmother had one as well with her mother or if the pattern started with her. Something told me it went on for generations.

Working on healing this truth took compassion and time. I had to reach back and see these women through the eyes of compassion and love. As I did this work, I felt more and more ready to become a mother, to give birth to a new generation, one rooted in love and compassion.

I received a call from an unknown number. I answered, it was my OB/GYN. I was surprised to hear her voice on the other line.

“This wasn’t the call I wanted to make or the news I wanted to give you.” she said with deep compassion in her voice, allowing pauses. Allowing me to process and the time to ask questions through my tears. I took notes because I knew I would have a hard time remembering the things she was saying. “Premature ovarian failure, early menopause, not a candidate for IVF, some women have success with donor eggs.” I could hear the disappointment in her voice 

All these words refused to settle in my heart… (to continue reading, click here)

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. If you or someone you know is suffering from the inability to conceive, my heart goes out to you. 

Please visit RESOLVE.org to learn more about resources and ways to help.

On Changing My Name

May 23, 2018 by 0 Comments
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I have had my name for 37 years. A lot of amazing things have happened with this name. I have a book with it on it’s spine and I love the way it looks; symmetrical to my first name. My passport bears my name as do my past achievements.

I think about his name and what it represents and the amazing family that I inherit just by falling in love. I think about our possible children. I think about how a new name could help me move on from so many things my current name is attached to. I think about new beginnings and fresh starts. I think about how much I love the man who bears this name.

I have decide to take his name. The joy on his face when I tell him is beautiful. I know in that moment I have made the right decision. Why would I think twice for just a name? I could change my name to anything whenever I want. Many people do. But this change is symbolic and is an act of love and trust. My independent core is revolting, yet my heart is melting into the beautiful security it provides.

My relationship is a steady oak tree. Roots continue to dig deep, and this is what I have always wanted. It is amazing to me that the thing I most craved is causing my anxiety. I wanted security and stability and it delivered the most stable human I have ever met. He is unshakable, and he is teaching me that stability comes through trust, growth and love.

Hence the roots, my stability never matured because I was constantly in a state of up-rootedness. I moved constantly as a child and then continued the pattern as an adult; always craving something new. I am learning to stay put which is why this urge has been so loud. I am used to movement. I am used to being elsewhere and dreaming of elsewhere.

I chose to change my name because for years, I had known struggle alongside great achievement. I had an identity of anxiety mixed with excitement. At times I felt frayed at both ends, always striving: to be something great, achieve the next promotion, make a name for myself, to be acknowledged.

Then, he came into my life and things became effortless. Our love happened so easily. I had spent years trying to make people love me and make myself fall in love. I would strain to see the good in others, make up meanings to try to fit. There was so much resistance; a clue that it wasn’t right. Yet, I persisted, and my heart continued to break.

Sometimes persistence is in vain. Sometimes “no” makes way to the greatest “yes”.

When I met him, the resistance faded, and I just knew it was him. I had spent time envisioning him. I knew what it felt like to be with my person.  My visualizations became so familiar that I felt chills every time something familiar occurred on our first date. The conversation was exactly as I imagined, and I felt relieved knowing that the universe heard my deepest desire and was delivering it.

I had waited 3 years for him to appear. I had gone on dozens of first dates and this one was the last.  As I sat across from him and listened to him speak about his journey, I felt resonance and respect. It was a comforting feeling but also surreal. I was meant to meet this man at that moment.

So then why was I feeling so conflicted about changing my last name?

It wasn’t cold feet, it was terrified feet and I had to return to the space inside my heart that was unfolding, ready to receive love. This is the space where my feminine nature resided. She had been preparing this space for him even when I was trying to keep hurt from penetrating my heart.

This place of unfolding was where I find the strength to abandon all my fears of losing myself and rise to the challenge of becoming a wife.

This is the space of creation and I am ready to create a new life with him. I feel honored to take his name. In this unfolding I am learning surrender. I made a note to remember this realization because I know myself and the times when I refused to unfold, have always been the times when relationships became near impossible.

Our family is just beginning, and we are a team. Not one on one, but together, working towards a common goal. I feel aligned with him and ready to take on whatever life has in store. I had to allow him into the place that I guarded so fiercely. He makes me feel safe and I trust him with this part of me. I know my heart has found its home.

When to Move On

April 11, 2018 by 1 Comment
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How do you decide when to move on?

When things fall apart, it can be hard to find the initiative to get back up to find the space to start or create something new. Days can seem to drag on and putting one foot in front of the other can seem like a huge feat. Sometimes, it feels like you are stuck and doomed to live in a cycle of disappointment.

Figuring out action steps can help bring your mind out of the fog but make sure to give yourself the time to process the disappointment. If it is time to move on, it’s okay to mourn the loss. Allow the healing to occur and take an active role by looking forward to creating something new when the time is right.

Some important questions to ask when there is something that may feel like it is falling apart are:

  1. What isn’t working?
  2. Is there something I can change to make it work?
  3. If I let go and move on from this, what are my next actions?
  4. What do I want to be working towards?

Be honest with yourself and take time to write out the answers. After you answer the questions, look to see if anything sticks out. Are there common themes, new revelations or is the answer clear and the writing exercise solidified your intuition? Sit with the answers, meditate on the next steps and recognize any closure that needs to take place.

Perhaps the most important thing to note is the last question. If where you are now does not help you get to where you want to be, then the answer is clear. Getting clear on what you want to do can ease the pain of ending something that is not meant to be.

When things end, it is important to get back up, even if it takes some time. Making daily efforts to try again seems difficult at first, but after a while the practice of doing creates the momentum needed to move forward. In order to allow growth to take place, movement is necessary.

When life gives us a “no” it creates space for expansion. This is a place for possibility and dreaming. The opposite of expansion is contracting. If contracting is happening, it holds on to pain and disappointment. Stagnation can occur and often times, resentment. Imagine a fist releasing its grasp. Notice how the hand expands as it lets go of its tight hold.

Release and expand; this is the action most beneficial for moving on.

Let what needs to fall down, fall. Don’t act like Sisyphus, continually pushing his boulder up the mountain just to push against gravity once more; this was his curse. Whatever is falling apart, does not need to be a curse. Look to see the blessing in disguise. There is something waiting for this to end in order to have the space it needs to enter your life.

Let go and receive whatever may come with open arms, mind and heart. Replace resistance with cooperation. Momentum can aid in cooperation and soon moving forward will feel exciting and new beginnings will emerge. All you have to do is be honest with yourself, find clarity and start moving forward, one step at a time. In time, the space will be filled with something new.

Full Corn Moon

September 6, 2017 by 0 Comments
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Lately, there has been some tension in the air. Perhaps it was the eclipse or maybe because Mercury was in retrograde. Whatever it was, I have talked to several people who have been feeling like change is needed. Even people who have just embarked on a new venture, find themselves yearning for something different.

This past week, I also felt a constant itch for change. I searched for flights to anywhere, looked at maps and felt like I was the only person who was staying put. It grew and grew until I woke up one morning completely discontented and upset. I didn’t understand why I was feeling that way, I just knew it felt very real and was bringing me down.

Tonight is the Full Corn Moon. As with every full moon, the things we need to let go of are highlighted and are brought to the surface. This discontent is clearly being highlighted.

This full moon was named to celebrate the harvest of corn; a staple in the Native American diet and way of life. It was not just a source of food, but also used for making furniture, baskets and toys. This one crop created sustenance and became revered for centuries.

I have been reflecting on sustenance as I prepared to write this post. Sustenance is a source of nourishment, strength; something that maintains life. There are many things that are thought of as necessary to maintain a modern lifestyle, but I wanted to notice where my sustenance comes from.

So I asked myself, “Where does my sustenance come from? What do I need to maintain my life and strength?” I broke it down to mind-body-soul because I think all three need to be cared for. I honestly asked myself what was necessary to feel sustained. This is what I came up with…

Mind:

  • Reading
  • Writing
  • Meditation
  • Meaningful Conversations

Body:

  • Running
  • Healthy Food
  • Walking
  • Hugs

Soul:

  • Prayer
  • Quiet Time
  • Creating
  • Travel

I looked at my list and noticed that I already had everything I needed. This changed my perspective on the desire for change. Instead of needing change, I realized that contentment was the true need. Although I will always welcome change, it was necessary to reframe the story I had created around my current situation.

When I consciously pay attention to contentment, my focus moves from want to gratitude.

The beautiful thing is that the more gratitude you give, the more things there are to be grateful for. The universe hears our deepest desires and want to provide everything we dream of. But, we have to notice what needs are being met, where the gifts are coming from and be grateful first and foremost.

As the full moon shines its light on the areas that need refocusing, pay attention to where your sustenance comes from. Make a list and see where these things are already being provided. Then, offer heartfelt thanks for everything that is and will be. The Corn Moon teaches us that sometimes only one crop can meet so many of our needs and that its source should be recognized and revered.

May your month be filled with sustenance, gratitude and contentment.

New Years Intentions

December 27, 2016 by 0 Comments
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It’s that time of year to reflect on the past year and plan for the year to come.

For many, 2016 was a year of great transition and change. There was an energy of control vs. surrender swirling about. Some plans failed and others never took off. This left many of us with the feeling of defeat. What started as the best laid plans, began to unravel as the plans were not meant to be.

2016 was a call of resilience and perseverance mixed in with immense joy. In some parts of life it was the best year ever and in others it was a struggle that seemed never-ending. There were beautiful happenings and courageous changes. Many emotions were had and lessons learned. There is beauty in such transitions and we all got through it and celebration is in order.

Winter has set in and new beginnings are on the horizon. It is a time to reflect and plan for a lovely and dynamic 2017.

Before the new year begins, spend some time thinking about what you would like 2017 to look and feel like. Create an intentional awareness by asking the following questions…

  1. What am I grateful for in 2016?
  2. What do I want to accomplish in the next 12 months?
  3. How do I want to feel next year?
  4. What can I let go of that no longer worked for me?
  5. What changes do I need to make in order to accomplish my goals?

After you’ve spent some time answering these questions, you can begin to create intentional goals for the coming year. Instead of creating resolutions that can fall apart as the year continues, setting intentions will take into account what you want to accomplish and how you want to feel. Intentions ask “why” as well as “what” when it comes to goals.

Finally, visualize each goal. See yourself accomplishing and feeling the way you desire. Spend some time each day visualizing each outcome. This is a powerful exercise and sends this desired energy out into the universe.

Remember, what we focus on expands. With a little focus through visualization, our intentions will expand and begin to take shape.

To help create momentum, I have attached a free download below. The intention is to think about different areas in your life where you may want to create a goal. Then, there is room for 1-3 actions steps needed to take to complete each goal.

2017 Goal Planning

May your New Year be filled with hope, happiness, health and love!

Surrender

September 1, 2016 by 1 Comment
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Imagine a fist held tightly. All it holds is the air and creates tension within the body. Then imagine the fist letting go. Notice the release of tension and free flowing air around each finger. Nothing fell out of the palm, because there was nothing to grasp.

Holding tightly onto something that isn’t there is useless and controlling. I have learned this lesson time and again. Perhaps it’s because I am Virgo or someone who does not like to feel out of control. But the minute I try to generate an outcome that seems forced, I create an unrealistic expectation, stress and anxiety.

Several years ago, I was going through a career transition and I remember thinking “I better get a job soon, I have bills to pay” as I wrote my check for my car payment leaving $23 to my name. It wasn’t for lack of trying to find a job, there just weren’t jobs available. So, I had to surrender and take a job as a courier.

I thought that I deserved a better position because of my background and transferrable skillset. My need for control was keeping me from moving forward. However, if I would not have accepted the position, I would have missed out on the opportunity that later resulted in abundant travel.

I was terrified when I let go. I thought that if I held on for just a bit longer, things would fall into place. They never did until I surrendered to the experience and the lessons that were begging to be learned.

When it feels like you are being blindly led, allow trust to take place.

The act of surrender is not giving up; It is an act of trust. This is a sacred place within the soul. A deep, vulnerable place to enter. To let the walls down around the heart and to open the soul to a possibility that can’t be seen is raw, yet absolutely exciting and brave.

There are several things I still need to surrender but each time I do and trust that everything will be alright; I am surprised by the grace of the universe. Situations that seem hopeless when in my control are completely turned around when I let go of the reigns. The universe lovingly allows me the time to realize I need to let go, and when I do, that’s where the miracles happen.

What we can’t see holds a gift if we allow it to happen. It is amazing when things are revealed after the act of trust. What I thought I needed or wanted is always replaced by something greater. With each act of surrender, I am learning that the universe really does have my back and listens to all the desires of my heart.

When a Friendship Ends

August 16, 2016 by 0 Comments
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Our energies did not match any more. We were growing apart. After almost a decade of inseparable friendship, we no longer had the common ground that kept us on the same path. I had traveled continents with her, shared thousands of tears and laughs, we knew each other’s deepest darkest secrets. But that was not strong enough glue to keep the friendship together.

It had been clear for some time that we were growing apart. Our time together seemed almost forced. I had grown to love my friend dearly, but noticed a strange pattern of need growing between us. I felt the friendship had become one-sided and it started to hurt more than uplift.

At first I was devastated. I didn’t think another friendship could compare to our sister-like bond. Then, I became very upset “How could she treat me with such disregard?” I would repeat over in my head. It was painful to know that she was still hanging out with mutual friends. I just wanted everyone to be on my side; but it wasn’t their fight.

Confusion traded places with anger and I went back and forth between the two for a while. I wanted to let go and be okay. In the age of social media, clear boundaries have to be made when a relationship ends. It is easy to assume the other person does not hold any regard or brags in hopes to appear like moving on was easy and seamless. I had to let go of all assumptions in order to heal.

I came to a place of forgiveness after a year had passed. The wound was no longer fresh and I was able to unpack the pain and blame, allowing the openness to feel comfortable. I wanted the new space to be filled with friendship that was autonomous, loving and nurturing.

I got specific on how I wanted to feel inside a friendship and recognized what I needed to work on in order to propagate that.

The lessons that took place during the process of healing were hard. There were patterns that I had created in relationships that I had to recognize and amend. The pain created an awareness that was filled with a softening and grace. I went from “How dare you!” to gratitude.

When a friendship ends, it isn’t easy to forgive and forget. Allow yourself to feel the pain and process the lessons as they come. Healing and forgiveness are on their way. Grace makes sure of that–where that big gaping hole was created, friendship appears. Sometimes not in the same form or what we expect, but the universe loves space. When we give up what we think should fill the gaps, we can be surprised by what is intended for our hearts.

When a friendship ends, it hurts. Confusion, anger, sadness and frustration take the place where laughter, understanding and connection once thrived. In order to move forward, there are some things one can do to create a healthy environment in the heart and soul…

  1. Set boundaries
  2. Create an intention for how you want to feel in a friendship
  3. Release judgment and blame to create room for growth and healing
  4. Forgive yourself and the other for whatever happened
  5. Allow the space to be created for the universe to deliver likeminded friendships
  6. Offer gratitude for the friendship
  7. Send the other person love and LET GO

Whether there is a specific reason or several misunderstandings that lead to the end of a friendship, compassion, forgiveness and grace can heal a wound that runs deep. We may never know why the other person moved on, but we can take responsibility for our hearts and souls and fill the space with love. When we let go in love, more love can enter.

Forgive. Let go. Be Open.

Finding a Coach

August 3, 2016 by 0 Comments
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The growth of the coaching industry has raised the important question of “How do I find the right coach?” When choosing a coach, it is important to find someone who you jive with, is willing to hold you accountable and will help you achieve desired results.

There are several reasons to hire a coach….

  • Set goals and get results
  • Motivation to start, continue and finish
  • Accountability partner to drive results and keep you encouraged and inspired
  • Gain clarity on your life’s purpose, career path, relationship and specific goals
  • Grow spiritually, mentally and physically: There are coaches that specialize in spiritual growth, business/career, fitness and personal growth
  • Provide support and encouragement

When hiring a coach, it is important to know that results are obtained in time with dedication to the coaching plan. Although one session can be helpful, is just a launching pad to working towards desired outcomes. In order for coaching to be successful, scheduled meetings should be made and kept, this is where accountability can work its magic. Depending on your goals, packages can be purchased for 1-12 months with savings per session being greater the longer the time commitment.

A good coaching relationship will empower you, inspire you to go above and beyond what you thought possible, tell you the truth and ask questions to stretch you.

Here are 5 things to consider when choosing a coach:

  1. Offerings and Packages: What type of coaching do they specialize in? Do they offer packages that fit within your time frame and needs? Can you customize or upgrade? These are things to consider and good questions to ask a potential coach.
  2. References: Do you know anyone that has utilized a coach and achieved results? Does the coach have customer feedback on their website? Read the reviews and see if any of them resonate with you.
  3. Personality: Many coaches offer an introductory call or email where you can see if the energy is a good fit as well as map out a plan of action for the coaching relationship.
  4. Certification and Training: What type of certification does the coach have and what training was involved? Certification is important but so is ongoing training. Does the coach continue to develop their practice and stay on top of their own development?
  5. Pricing: Does it fit within your budget? Part of creating a successful life is staying within your means. Coaching is worth the investment and financial growth can be a goal, but make sure the services meet you where you currently are to propel you in the direction you envision.

A coach can be seen as part of your team of experts. In the effort to live at your highest potential it is important to have a team behind you, keeping you healthy, in tune, motivated and accountable. Doctors, therapists, personal trainers, spiritual leaders, chefs, nannies, teachers, mentors, CPAs, financial advisors, trusted friends and coaches are just a few of the possible people who can help you enhance your life.

If you have been considering coaching to help you move towards a goal, gain clarity or take your life or career to the next level, please contact me at emily@soulsadventures.com to schedule a complimentary 15 minute call. We can talk about how coaching can enhance your life and create a plan of action.

“Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”

– Timothy Gallwey

Saturn Return

June 7, 2016 by 0 Comments
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It has been known as a quarter life crisis. Around the ages of 27-31 it hits and all of a sudden something must or just changes. For some it is a subtle nudge that doesn’t go away until addressed. For others it seems devastating, like everything that had been worked towards was a sham and the feeling of starting over is too much to bear.

This time is known as Saturn Return; a milestone of reaching adulthood. Saturn takes approximately 28 years to make a full orbit around the sun from the time of birth. With each occurrence, responsibilities change, thoughts mature and a shift in mindset takes place.

Each person experiences it differently. It is a time when life does a course correct. Some learn new skills that propel them in the direction that is now waiting to be explored. Others feel this time as a difficult transition, feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. For some, it can be a period of hard work either physically, mentally or emotionally.

My Saturn Return hit me a month before my 28th birthday. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Anxiety flooded my days and I doubted my decisions as everything I had worked for seemed to just not fit any more. I knew I needed a change, but I didn’t know what I needed to do. I wanted answers immediately, but they took their time to arrive.

While I was in what felt like an endless loop of waiting, I learned some hard and valuable lessons. I started recognizing my core values and desired to live a life that aligned with who I wanted to be. This is where the pain set in: I had to give up ideas of what I thought I wanted and where I needed to be to align with what I really wanted. It was scary to think about starting over.

The more I resisted this new path, the harder things seemed to be. But, when I embraced the changes that were occurring, regardless of my attempts to control, a peace set in. I noticed that the amount of anxiety I experienced was in direct proportion to the amount of control I tried to exert. I released my grasp and a new career, friendships, cities and outlook appeared.

I had to make room for what needed to take place.

I noticed 4 phases of a Saturn Return:

  1. Humility: I felt embarrassed thinking that what I swore was my life path was actually wrong. Having to admit to myself and others that I was starting over was recognition that I did not know it all and that I still had some learning to do. OUCH!
  2. Growth: I had to learn new skills to move forward in a new career. I had to learn a lot about myself and grow from mistakes. Embracing my authenticity and bravery catapulted growth and helped me to move on and forgive myself and others.
  3. Emergence: After the inner struggle of control, I was able to emerge onto the new path. There was a new found confidence after I embraced the growth. I felt renewed and excited.
  4. Freedom: Finally accepting the end of where I thought I was heading and embracing the next phase brought a sense of freedom. There is a renewed sense of trust that occurs which feels free and lighthearted.

I have coached many people going through their Saturn Return. There are spiritual shifts, career changes, relationship and life transitions that occur. It can be scary and exciting to navigate. There is something beautiful on the other side of the struggle. It is quite lovely to see the transformations from struggle to freedom. These steps differ in time for each person, but at the end, freedom appears.

Like a caterpillar creating a cocoon, this a time of transformation. Don’t let preconceived notions take over and stunt forward movement and growth. Be open and allow the changes to happen. Celebrate each lesson and be grateful for the path thus far. Soon, the butterfly emerges and spreads its new found wings and soars into freedom.

You have escaped the cage. Your wings are stretched out. Now fly.

-Rumi

For more on coaching, email emily@soulsadventures.com

Navigating Career Changes

April 6, 2016 by 11 Comments
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There have been two times where I have quit my job without a plan in mind. The first time was after a particularly rough period working for a bank while the market was crashing. I just knew that I needed to get out. The stress continued to build and debilitating anxiety became a common occurrence. I believed that peace would be found on the other side of leaving the company.

I left the job for medical reasons and wanted to find a place where I could work with less stress. That search lasted 9 months. During that time, stress over money and direction created uneasiness, but I resolved to keep my mind open to whatever needed to be next.

During my sabbatical, I found that I had a passion for wine and started to look into the wine industry as an option. I decided to put myself at industry events, helped my friend’s dad in his tasting room and began learning as much as I could about wine.

One day, I found a job posting for a company looking for a courier. I figured this was a great way to get my foot in the door and learn. The first 8 months, I asked as many questions as possible, assuming the mindset of a student. I was persistent in my pursuit of growing in my career and asked for promotions often. Eventually, I grew within the company and had the opportunity to travel the world and manage accounts.

After 5 years with the company,  I knew that a new career of path helping others was on the horizon, but was not sure what the next steps were. I knew that if I stayed where I was, I would become complacent and not search for the next steps my soul was asking me to take.

That’s the thing about change, complacency and fear can keep you in place hindering forward movement.

I left the company and bought a 1 way ticket to Bali. While overseas, I wrote and did some soul searching, hoping my next steps would be revealed. It wasn’t until I was back home in a coffee shop when I received the direction I was searching for.

I was writing, and a man approached me, sat down and proceeded to tell me all about his current relationship struggles. I listened for quite some time and then gave him some advice. He responded “You’re such a great listener, you should be a life coach.” I asked if that was a real thing…sure enough, it is.

Within 2 months, I was enrolled in life coaching school and started working on my certification. The evolution of this career has been so natural and I feel like I am doing what I was meant to do. Being able to combine writing and helping others is what my soul was searching for.

I am still in awe with how the entire thing transpired. By staying open to all possibilities, I was able to navigate my career change. Even through the difficult moments where I felt anxious about my next steps, I kept my mind open to all possibilities.

I knew my core desire was to help others and kept that as my north star.

Here are some tips on how to navigate the uncertainty of a career change:

  1.  Find what your passionate about (make a list, create a vision board or talk it over with someone)
  2.  If you’re contemplating a change, save your money and create a budget
  3.  Look for ways to enter the industry, especially with little to no experience.
  4.  Network
  5.  Work hard and speak your intentions clearly
  6.  Be persistent with your will to grow and develop
  7.  Patience pays off
  8.  Stay open to possibilities

If you are contemplating a career change or find yourself in the middle of one, coaching is a great tool to stay focused and weed through options. Email me at emily@soulsadventures.com to begin your career change journey.