3 Tips to Harnessing Your Bravery

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Bravery is something that we all wish we had a little more of. Life has inevitable changes and some are more nerve wracking than others. Bravery’s call is usually from a place deep within and some examples are: to quit your job, end a bad relationship, start your own business, get on stage, have that important conversation, fall in love, or many other ‘scary’ things.

We can all do hard things; it’s a fact of life.

Just think about where you are now and what you have gone through to get here. YOU have overcome obstacles and are brave! Even with this truth, there are times where bravery seems to have disappeared. But, bravery is always with you.

Here are 3 tips to harness bravery and overcome your next obstacle. These tips are meant to help you tap into your innate courage.

1 – Reframe Limiting Beliefs and Fear Based Thoughts

Fear has a tendency to swoop in and say a variety of things to keep us from moving forward. Negative thoughts are limiting beliefs that we have created and can be reframed with practice. When you notice these thoughts creeping in, reframe with an empowering thought.

A good exercise for this is to make a list with 2 columns. On the right hand side, list your limiting beliefs and fear based thoughts. Then, on the left hand side, reframe each thought into an empowering one. Then, when you find yourself stuck in negative thought patterns, you can access this list and reframe and reset.

This exercise is powerful because when we get stuck in our heads, it helps to get the thoughts out on paper. Instead of allowing the thoughts to endlessly circulate, write them out and empower yourself by reframing the thoughts that don’t serve you.

2 – Create an Action Plan

Fear can be a motivator or a paralyzer. Brave people are afraid but active. Inaction can create complacency and it is easy to get stuck and give up. Creating an action plan is a great way to tackle this obstacle. This can be as simple as writing out everything you need to do to move forward or you can even create a detailed plan.

Once you make a list of all the things you need to do, choose one thing you can do in the next 48 hours to get the ball rolling. Even if it is a baby step, it is forward motion. Action will create momentum towards your goal and is one of the most effective tools of bravery. Think of a hiker, they just put one foot in front of the other slowly making their way to the top of a mountain.

Keep moving. Hire a coach or enlist a friend to hold you accountable. You do not have to embark on this journey alone.

3 – Embrace Ambiguity

Bravery = Adventure and it isn’t an adventure if we know what is around every corner. There is supposed to be unknown twists and turns. This is where growth and awe occurs. Think about a time when you didn’t know what to expect and how in the end, everything turned out alright. Sometimes, things are better than expected. But if we hold onto the need to know, we create an expectation and can block what is trying to occur from happening.

Letting go is key. One of the greatest tools to help let go is meditation. Taking the time to breathe into the anxiety that ambiguity creates, can help dissipate its power. Stillness is also a space to hear your soul speak. When we get in our heads, our thoughts can be overpowering. Taking the time to stop, breathe and reset is an effective way to release the grip of control and find the flow of your soul.

Trust that everything will all be revealed in due time and enjoy the ride. Bravery grows in ambiguity and you will emerge with a better story and sense of self if you let things fall as they intend to.

How to Begin a Meditation Practice

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“How do I start meditating” is a question I am frequently asked. “I can’t get my mind to stop thinking!” is usually the reason for the question.

Meditation does not mean the absence of thought. To meditate is to become quiet and fully present. This means that thoughts and emotions will still arise. The key is to notice them and then let them go. The attachment to the thought and emotion is what keeps us from being present. If the thought truly needs attention, it will be there when you are done meditating. Usually, taking the time to calm the mind, allows for nervous thoughts to dissipate and be released.

Mindfulness is a practice that has changed my life. I went from being anxious, craving control to learning how to release the tension and find time to sit still, away from distraction so everything could slow down.

Stillness is a beautiful act of self care.

Imagine if each of us took 10 minutes each day to slow down, release tension and find a place of peace and presence. Not only would there be more calm, but the actual energy of the planet would elevate.

Each of us operate at differing vibrational frequencies. When we choose to be calm, loving, compassionate, joyful, we are operating at a high vibration. The opposite is true when we choose to anger, sorrow, frustration and jealousy. Simply put, we literally feel down when our vibration is low.

It is normal to have both high and low vibrations in a day. However, the choice to raise your vibration is powerful and meditation can help. This is a practice that can be done anywhere and at any time. You can begin your day with it, use it when a stressful situation occurs, when you just want a moment of stillness or even to prepare for bed.

Try to meditate every day for a week straight and see if you notice a difference.

Here is a simple way to begin:

  • Find a quiet place to sit. This can be in your office at your desk, in the morning while laying in bed, in your car before you go into the grocery store even!
  • Close your eyes OR keep them open.
  • Learn to notice your breath by counting to 10. Inhale -1, Exhale -2, Inhale -3, Exhale -4…
  • Repeat this 3 – 5 times until you feel calm. (You may need to do it more than 3 times, depending on the day, but 3 is a good start.)
  • Smile, you just meditated!!

How do you feel? Notice any changes that took place. Realize that this tool is available to you wherever you are whenever you need it. All you need to do is count your breath. Counting also keeps your mind focused on the task at hand and not on the to-do list that is always faithfully waiting to enter your thoughts!

Remember: if a thought arises, notice it and let it go. 

Try using this practice every day for a month and see what happens to your mood and the way you react to things.Start a meditation journal to chronicle your journey if you’d like. This is your practice and you need to make it your own.

Eventually, stillness is a welcome occurrence and you will seek it out. In this space, intuition speaks and answers arrive.You may even notice being more present during conversations and more aware of yourself and the needs of others. Your vibration will be rising each time you meditate and you will attract like frequencies into your life.

If you want to take your practice even further, you can try guided meditations or even sitting without counting for 5 or 10 minutes. This is a practice and the goal is not perfection. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you begin. Each time you choose stillness, you are creating space for intuition to grow and calm to take place.

When to Move On

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How do you decide when to move on?

When things fall apart, it can be hard to find the initiative to get back up to find the space to start or create something new. Days can seem to drag on and putting one foot in front of the other can seem like a huge feat. Sometimes, it feels like you are stuck and doomed to live in a cycle of disappointment.

Figuring out action steps can help bring your mind out of the fog but make sure to give yourself the time to process the disappointment. If it is time to move on, it’s okay to mourn the loss. Allow the healing to occur and take an active role by looking forward to creating something new when the time is right.

Some important questions to ask when there is something that may feel like it is falling apart are:

  1. What isn’t working?
  2. Is there something I can change to make it work?
  3. If I let go and move on from this, what are my next actions?
  4. What do I want to be working towards?

Be honest with yourself and take time to write out the answers. After you answer the questions, look to see if anything sticks out. Are there common themes, new revelations or is the answer clear and the writing exercise solidified your intuition? Sit with the answers, meditate on the next steps and recognize any closure that needs to take place.

Perhaps the most important thing to note is the last question. If where you are now does not help you get to where you want to be, then the answer is clear. Getting clear on what you want to do can ease the pain of ending something that is not meant to be.

When things end, it is important to get back up, even if it takes some time. Making daily efforts to try again seems difficult at first, but after a while the practice of doing creates the momentum needed to move forward. In order to allow growth to take place, movement is necessary.

When life gives us a “no” it creates space for expansion. This is a place for possibility and dreaming. The opposite of expansion is contracting. If contracting is happening, it holds on to pain and disappointment. Stagnation can occur and often times, resentment. Imagine a fist releasing its grasp. Notice how the hand expands as it lets go of its tight hold.

Release and expand; this is the action most beneficial for moving on.

Let what needs to fall down, fall. Don’t act like Sisyphus, continually pushing his boulder up the mountain just to push against gravity once more; this was his curse. Whatever is falling apart, does not need to be a curse. Look to see the blessing in disguise. There is something waiting for this to end in order to have the space it needs to enter your life.

Let go and receive whatever may come with open arms, mind and heart. Replace resistance with cooperation. Momentum can aid in cooperation and soon moving forward will feel exciting and new beginnings will emerge. All you have to do is be honest with yourself, find clarity and start moving forward, one step at a time. In time, the space will be filled with something new.

Stillness

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My mind goes a mile a minute. At any time of the day, I have at least 3 things going through my head. I am constantly trying to figure out, fix, plan or contemplate something. I used to pride myself on my brain’s capacity to multi-task until I realized that I was actually less effective in each task because I wasn’t giving each one the full attention it needed.

This whirlwind of activity also caused stress and anxiety when I couldn’t figure things out or when my plans didn’t go as expected. I knew something needed to change and this is when I started to recognize the power of stillness in the form of prayer, meditation and visualization.

I grew up in a home where prayers were said daily at the dinner table and at church. I knew that prayer was supposed to be my direct line to God. Although I thanked him for my food daily and asked for forgiveness for my mistakes, I never really felt connected. There were certain rules and a structure I was told to follow and as I prayed, I remember going through the checklist in my head to make sure my prayer was complete and all the boxes had been marked.

As an adult, I found my prayers becoming less structured and more free flowing. I left the checklist behind and allowed myself prayers of ecstasy to flow through me when I came upon something beautiful that took my breath away. I allowed prayers of desperation, full of run on sentences and tears when I felt at the end of my rope. I allowed prayers of gratitude that welled from my heart and gut when I just knew that sometimes the most normal things were the most amazing things.

The more I allowed myself to veer from the structured prayers of my youth, the more I felt connected to something greater than me. 

Connection was what I was craving. I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. I wanted to know that there was purpose to my existence and that my desires, worries and emotions were validated. The more I prayed, the more I felt connected to something greater than me.

Then, I started to practice meditation to calm my mind even deeper. I knew that prayer was effective, but I also wanted to learn how to still my mind and just allow my breath to course through me without the interruption of words.

At first, meditation was difficult for me to learn. I thought that I needed to get my mind completely still and that I would have mastered the practice once I could sit without a single thought or word enter my brain. But, I was wrong. I learned that meditation provides the space and time for stillness. Thoughts will come and go, but the key is to let them go.

Mediation taught me that thoughts will never cease, but my attachment can dissipate with practice.

Attachment to outcome and expectations is where a lot of pain is rooted. There is a myriad of possible what if and maybes but the important thing is coming back to the present moment. Meditation is a tool to bring presence into each day.

I enhanced my practice by visualizing the things that I wanted and the feelings I wanted to feel. If something was very important to me, I spent time seeing it as if it had already happened. This practice exercised my trust in the universe and brought a sense of peace. When I was able to see and feel what I prayed for and meditated on, I let go of my need to control and allowed whatever was meant to be happen in its own time.

Visualization released the vibrational energy into the universe saying: “I am ready to receive.” 

When I regularly practice stillness, my mind slows down and calm arrives. The need to control falls away as well as the anxiety attached to it. In fact, on the days when I don’t create stillness, I am off and quickly recognize the correlation. For me it is important to begin each day from a place of centering stillness. Stillness sets the stage for a dynamic day and calibrates the mind and body to be present and react less.

Here are some of my favorite meditation tools to jump start or end each day:

Calm (an app with lovely graphics, guided meditations and soothing sounds)

Headspace (another mindfulness app with options to focus on certain areas of life)

Deepak Chopra 21-Day Meditation Experience (free 4 times a year)

Moonlight Gratitude (my meditation book coming March 15th)

Full Wolf Moon

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JoJoeArt

There is an old parable where a chief tells his grandson about two wolves that live inside each person. “These wolves fight in an intense battle. One is light and the other is dark.”

“The light wolf represents things like love, joy, happiness, peace, generosity and compassion.” The chief explains. “The dark wolf represents things like hatred, sorrow, false pride, envy, worry, greed and guilt.”

“Which one wins the battle?” the grandson inquires.

“The one you feed” the chief replies.

The first full moon of the year is the Wolf Moon. As a hungry wolf looks up to the moon, it howls in hunger, yearning to be fed. This is the time to recognize which side we tend to feed. Since the battle rages within, you have to choice to focus on the light and starve the dark or feed the dark and suffocate the light. This full moon shines a light in these areas:

1) Intuition: Wolves are animals that travel in packs as well as alone. Is this a time where isolation is necessary in order to get in touch with your purpose again? Or Is this a time to surround yourself with others to get out of your head and give of yourself? Isolation and connection both serve a higher purpose. Each are necessary at different times. Tap into your intuition and find ways to support your needs.

2) Hunger: Wolves are hunters. With the new year just beginning, there are goals and aspirations ready to be attained. How are you going after what you really want? Is your inner hunter alive and well? Tap into this nature by writing down specific goals and actions you will take to bring yourself closer to the goal. Feel victory in your gut. Take action.

3) Expression: Wolves howl at the moon expressing their primal energy and inner secrets. What parts of you are you hiding away that you wish you could express? Let the light of the full moon illuminate the part of you that you keep hidden. Write it down, say it out loud, dance it out or even howl at the moon. Expression is key here. Give yourself the freedom to express and release the primal energy that has been pent up.

By tapping into your intuition, you can address the hunger within and express yourself fully. Make an effort to implement what is needed to feed your hunger. Your needs will reveal themselves to you with some time spent in stillness. Embrace them and honor them. Choosing to acknowledge and feed your deepest needs will create balance and fulfillment. Choose which wolf you want to feed.

Give the Gift of Coaching

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It’s the season of giving and saving!

Coaching can be a wonderful gift idea for that special someone who has everything but doesn’t take time for themselves…perhaps that someone is you.

I am offering new monthly coaching packages at a huge savings. For only $300/month, you or your loved one can receive up to 4 coaching sessions a month with unlimited email support.

This package creates the flexibility to have four session which can vary at 30 or 60 minutes each/ Some things need to be processed and talked about in length and then some things just need quick resolve.

Here are a few reasons to consider coaching:

  • Overcoming doubts and fear narratives
  • Navigate transitions and change
  • Create greater results at work
  • Overcome blocks in dating and relationships
  • Answer and explore spiritual questions
  • Heal and let go after loss or break-up
  • Career changes
  • Set goals
  • Create accountability
  • Deepen spiritual connection
  • Transcend guilt and shame from religious conditioning
  • Become the greatest version of yourself

Whatever your need may be, we can discuss the best way to support you and create a personalized action plan.

To gift coaching, email me at emily@soulsadventures.com. Each package comes with a complimentary 15 minute consult to determine the best plan of action.

Have a beautiful holiday season,
Emily

“I call Emily my awesomeness coach. She always pushes me to be better not just from a business aspect but a personal one as well. Emily is always encouraging and positive with suggestions on how to overcome small obstacles…with Emily’s experience and guidance, it all seems manageable and achievable. We all need an awesomeness coach like Emily, and I definitely recommend her to anyone looking to improve their careers or life!”  – Nicole H., New Jersey

“I was amazed at how her guidance has “opened my eyes,” to things about myself and how I fit into the world around me. Every session leaves me with a new sense of peace, clarity, and self-realization, that is bundled up in an enforceable life plan.I would highly recommend the career/spiritual services of Emily Silva!” – Charles C., Boston

Finding a Coach

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The growth of the coaching industry has raised the important question of “How do I find the right coach?” When choosing a coach, it is important to find someone who you jive with, is willing to hold you accountable and will help you achieve desired results.

There are several reasons to hire a coach….

  • Set goals and get results
  • Motivation to start, continue and finish
  • Accountability partner to drive results and keep you encouraged and inspired
  • Gain clarity on your life’s purpose, career path, relationship and specific goals
  • Grow spiritually, mentally and physically: There are coaches that specialize in spiritual growth, business/career, fitness and personal growth
  • Provide support and encouragement

When hiring a coach, it is important to know that results are obtained in time with dedication to the coaching plan. Although one session can be helpful, is just a launching pad to working towards desired outcomes. In order for coaching to be successful, scheduled meetings should be made and kept, this is where accountability can work its magic. Depending on your goals, packages can be purchased for 1-12 months with savings per session being greater the longer the time commitment.

A good coaching relationship will empower you, inspire you to go above and beyond what you thought possible, tell you the truth and ask questions to stretch you.

Here are 5 things to consider when choosing a coach:

  1. Offerings and Packages: What type of coaching do they specialize in? Do they offer packages that fit within your time frame and needs? Can you customize or upgrade? These are things to consider and good questions to ask a potential coach.
  2. References: Do you know anyone that has utilized a coach and achieved results? Does the coach have customer feedback on their website? Read the reviews and see if any of them resonate with you.
  3. Personality: Many coaches offer an introductory call or email where you can see if the energy is a good fit as well as map out a plan of action for the coaching relationship.
  4. Certification and Training: What type of certification does the coach have and what training was involved? Certification is important but so is ongoing training. Does the coach continue to develop their practice and stay on top of their own development?
  5. Pricing: Does it fit within your budget? Part of creating a successful life is staying within your means. Coaching is worth the investment and financial growth can be a goal, but make sure the services meet you where you currently are to propel you in the direction you envision.

A coach can be seen as part of your team of experts. In the effort to live at your highest potential it is important to have a team behind you, keeping you healthy, in tune, motivated and accountable. Doctors, therapists, personal trainers, spiritual leaders, chefs, nannies, teachers, mentors, CPAs, financial advisors, trusted friends and coaches are just a few of the possible people who can help you enhance your life.

If you have been considering coaching to help you move towards a goal, gain clarity or take your life or career to the next level, please contact me at emily@soulsadventures.com to schedule a complimentary 15 minute call. We can talk about how coaching can enhance your life and create a plan of action.

“Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.”

– Timothy Gallwey

The Gravity of Memory: Healing after Miscarriage

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It was a snowy night when I experienced one of the greatest sorrows of my life; I was suffering from a miscarriage. I was young, my dad drove methodically through the freak snow storm as my mom held me in the backseat. I was inconsolable, sobbing with deep emotion. Although the pregnancy was a surprise, I had grown to love and cherish the little one growing inside of me. Anticipation for his arrival filled my mind with hopes and dreams the longer I carried and after I felt him move; like a butterfly fluttering within.

At the hospital, The doctor searched for a heartbeat and I thought I heard the precious “whoosh whoosh” sound but it turned out to be my own heartbeat. I clenched everything inside of me trying to keep the baby inside. The nurses kept telling me it was already gone. The ER doctor kept calling it a ‘spontaneous abortion” it didn’t sit well with me. When I asked the doctor why it had happened he said “some babies just fail to thrive.” It wasn’t the concrete answer I had hoped for. It would have made me feel better if the answer told me what exactly happened. It was traumatic, painful  and sad.

The thing about miscarriage is that the pain is silent and mysterious. There are so many things that can create grief; the due date, the anniversary of the miscarriage, what they child would have looked like, the pain of a missed future. I had a hard time finding help talking about it. I was referred to a grief counselor who was confused by my immense sorrow only to be told “I usually help parents who had live children pass away” Her words were seared into my memory. I looked for books about miscarriage only to find myself in indexes pointing to a few pages that referenced it in pregnancy books; books I couldn’t bear to look at.

People tried to comfort me by telling me “time will heal” and “I understand your pain” which did the opposite of comfort me.

Miscarriage is ambiguous and painful. Each woman suffers in her own way. Whether the baby is planned or not, the loss of a pregnancy leaves questions and doubts about fertility and health. Perhaps it would be easier to recover from such a loss if there was an answer better than a statistic about the odds. I loved the baby I carried and considered it more than just a statistic.

It took me years to get over the pain. Seeing other pregnant women was hard. I felt defective when I would discuss what had happened. It is an uncomfortable subject but I believe it needs to be shared. There are too many of us with this silent grief which makes letting go and moving on just a bit harder.

The anniversary of my miscarriage passes each year with a tug on my heart. It happened 16 years ago,  yet the memory is clear and vivid. It was a catalyst for me and my life changed when I left the hospital. I became more determined by shutting out the pain and moving through college and my first career with a stoicism that hid my vulnerability well.

Looking back, I see that what transpired was a blessing in disguise. However, I was only able to see that after the grief was processed. Without having something to bury, I needed a way to let go and memorialize so I got a tattoo soon after.  Later on, I created a ceremony to let go of the pain and help me move on. It wasn’t until I started honoring my vulnerability and talking about this specific pain that healing began. I needed a safe place to talk about it and feel heard. I needed to know that my pain was valid.

I want to hold a safe place for women who are suffering from the grief of miscarriage. The pain is personal and deep. What I can do is listen with empathy and understanding. Talking about the pain helps with the healing process and honors the child that was lost. One of the reasons I wanted to become a spiritual life coach was because of this specific pain. I have learned the beauty in letting go with remembrance. A miscarriage is not forgotten but it does not have to hold you back.

A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.
― Barbara Kingsolver 

The Power of Prayer

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One of the themes that comes up often with spiritual coaching is prayer. I have coached a few people who have left the religions they grew up in and are seeking ways to connect with their spirituality. Each of these experiences have their own path to understanding. Since I have gone through a similar process, I appreciate and acknowledge the desire to slough off strict religious conditioning to embrace a search for meaning and spiritual practices.

This is my story about prayer…

When I was a child, I learned how to pray. I would confess my sins, express gratitude and request things from a God that seemed so far away. I remember spending most of my time wondering if my prayers were effective; if this giant force in the heavens was hearing me. I never really understood prayer much further than confess, give thanks and ask. It seemed rote and methodical.

I also remember learning the structure of a “proper” prayer. But sometimes, it was hard to follow the structure because I was sobbing through my words trying to find meaning, direction and hope. I would lay all my questions, pain, confusion and pride down to just bear my soul.

As I left the religion, prayer came with me, but in a different capacity. I noticed that prayer has always been a comfort to me and recognized the power that it holds.  I wanted to learn more about this ritual and find a more meaningful explanation than what I had learned as a child. There are different types and purposes of prayers and each religion has their own ritual around prayer. And although prayer has religious undertones, I wanted to discover a more personal practice to this ritual.

Looking back on everything that has transpired in my life, there are certain events that I can pick out that turned out better than I could have ever imagined. This is grace and it’s powerful. I recognize that I did a lot of hard work to achieve goals and get places, but I found strength, clarity and guidance with prayer during those times.

The more I willingly opened my heart and mind to this practice, I noticed a shift in my mindset. I was able to stress less and trust that the universe had my back. Every single time that I had great stress and anxiety, I realized it was because I was trying to tackle the issue on my own.

Here are the things I have experienced from prayer:

  • Having direct communication to God where I can pour out my heart is overwhelmingly sacred.
  • My mind is more focused on gratitude and I stop when something wonderful happens just to offer thanks. I notice beauty all around me because gratitude is a key element to prayer.
  • Knowing that I can have a conversation with God, no structure, just talk and process is very comforting and deeply personal.
  • There is no room for guilt because I can come with a contrite heart and receive grace and forgiveness for myself and others.
  • I can feel an energy shift during and after my time in prayer.
  • Letting go is easier.
  • Clarity often follows especially when sitting in meditation after prayer.
  • Stress and anxiety are reduced

There are so many powerful attributes to prayer and I love learning more and evolving my practice. If you find yourself trying to shed strict religious conditioning or would like to delve deeper into your spirituality, please email me at emily@soulsadventures.com.

“I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time – waking and sleeping. It does not change God – it changes me.”

-C.S. Lewis