Full Flower Moon

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I was 33 years old and terrified that I was leaving a career that was my dream 5 years previous. I wanted to work in the wine industry and learn everything I could about it. This job took me all over the world where I met amazing people and experienced culture and cuisine. For a wanderluster with a palate for pinot, this was a dream come true.

I was so grateful and in awe of all the opportunities BUT something just wasn’t right.

Deep down, I was miserable. I wanted to travel on my own terms and write. I knew that writing wasn’t going to pay the bills, but I knew I had to try it. This concept was terrifying. I had created such security and my soul was begging me to leap. I edged up to the cliff, looked down and went right back to work several times.

I decided to take 2 years off and calculated my freedom number; the amount needed to sustain my simplified lifestyle for my temporary hiatus from work. I saved until I had what I thought was enough to support myself. Then, I stepped back to the edge of that cliff and I still felt my knees tremble, unable to leap.

My soul was relentless and the misery transcended anything amazing that was happening. There were promotions, trips and raises but my resistance caused more pain and left me feeling helpless and depressed.

Then, I realized no matter how many times I crunched numbers or made excuses, this calling was going to pursue me until I let go of the security and resistance and opened to the unknown.

The day I quit my job, I was nervous and excited. I had prepared a letter and walked into the office of the company president. This man was responsible for all the great things that I experienced with the company as well as mentoring me along the way. I was sad to deliver this message to him. As we spoke, he was gracious and understanding. I was so grateful. That moment solidified that I was making the right decision.

Immediately following that conversation, I felt the resistance fade and relief took over. I felt light and happy and excited to embark into the unknown.

Suddenly, I had the freedom I had so badly craved but felt fear creeping back in.

I knew that if I didn’t squash the thoughts of scarcity and insecurity, I would not be able to enjoy what had happened. I combated the fear with gratitude. I sat in the feeling of relief and thanked God for helping me — prodding me — pushing me to harness my bravery.

This was a lesson in becoming. When resistance, fear and pride took over, I was not allowing myself the chance to blossom. I remained tightly closed for almost 2 years because I feared the loss of security. I needed to let go of certainty in order to fully open up to the beauty that wanted to unfold.

It wasn’t until I full released my grasp on the need to control and my craving for certainty that I was able to truly appreciate what was transpiring. When I let go, I felt my creative passion explode and writing became something I must do. I celebrated my bravery and embraced uncertainty like an adventure to a new land. My heart and soul opened and blossomed.

Tonight’s Full Flower Moon is the perfect opportunity to notice where abundance and gratitude are taking place in your life and confront and fear that may be holding you back. Address limiting beliefs and affirm your greatness. This is a time to showcase the beauty that has been carefully worked on and celebrate the growth that has occurred.

Open the floodgates of passion and infuse the areas of your life that have grown stale from neglect. Go after what you really want. Open up and bloom right where you are. Remember a time when you felt alive and excited and then ask yourself: “How can I bring that energy back into my life?”

Now is not the time to play small. Let go of anything holding you back. Celebrate all the goodness that is flowing into your life. Offer gratitude for the fruits of your hard work. This is the time to show off your big beautiful blooms and appreciate their glory.

It has been 3 years since I delivered that letter and I appreciate what took root that day and celebrate all that has blossomed since then.

“The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  -Anais Nin

Reclaiming Time

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I have been struggling with my relationship with time: I feel like there is never enough. When I think back to the days right after I quit my job to travel, I remember the immense fear of “What do I do with my time now?!” As I became more comfortable with my freedom, I felt like I could soar and had no limits. I couldn’t believe that I had created a reality where I could to write, travel and soak up as much sun as possible.

That lasted 2 years. And then I started to get busy with building my business and had to coordinate a schedule again. It was fun and exciting to create something from scratch, but it took up a lot of time. I found myself on the edge of overwhelm.

The frustration that comes from feeling like there is not enough time rob the joy from the present moment.

I found myself no longer enjoying the moment I was in and looked at the time wondering if I had enough to get to the next thing on my long list completed. Then my sleep started to suffer. I would wake up at 3am my mind decided it was the perfect time to think about my schedule and dwell on the feeling of not having enough time.

The feeling of time scarcity created even more fatigue and stress.

I was missing was being in the present moment and embracing what was happening as it was happening. I was spending too much time projecting into the future that I robbed the present moment of my attention. So I decided to break up with my relationship with time in order to rebuild a healthier one.

As I found a healthier way to approach time, I found these tools to help immensely:

  1. Meditation every morning: This grounds me and brings me into the present moment before the day’s events even have a chance to overwhelm. From this new grounded state, I am able to approach the day with focus and intent.
  2. Put the phone down: Having access to the internet, emails, calendars and even time keeps me from enjoying the present moment. I decided to put the phone away while interacting with people in order to fully appreciate their presence and the time we were spending together. I found my interactions became richer and time seemed to feel abundant.
  3. Prioritize tasks: To-do lists are very important to me, but now I make sure that each week, I only write down the “must dos” instead of creating a long list of tasks that aren’t as pressing. When I complete the tasks I set out to do, I realize that I have plenty of time to tackle some of the less pressing priorities.
  4. Make time for myself: All the running around and working made me feel guilty to take moments to myself. But, when I make time for myself, guilt free, I feel more energetic and joyful and time seems to slow down for me when I am not as stressed.
  5. Workout: There is always time to get some physical activity in. Taking walks, bike rides, trips to the gym…can all be fit into a busy schedule. There are apps that have been created to help you get workouts in. Prioritize physical health and the gift will be higher metabolism and more energy to tackle a busy schedule.

The feeling of scarcity that comes from being constantly connected fades when I make time for stillness.

I learned that when I treat time with respect, it doesn’t run out. I feel more abundant with time when I practice mindfulness and step into the present moment.  From this place, I can breathe deeper and notice my surroundings.

Full Pink Moon

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Tonight’s full moon is named after phlox,  a moss that covers the ground with it’s pink flowers. Spring is displaying all its glory. Notice the evidence of new beginnings and growth through flowers and trees. Now is the time to start fresh, clear clutter and let the air flow through your home and body

Every Spring I feel weighed down by stuff. I want to do a full clearing of clutter to clear any stale energy from the home. I notice all the things that haven’t been utilized in a while and want to let them go. If I haven’t needed it in a year, chances are I will not need it now. It is liberating to let go of things. Energy actually shifts when old or unused items are removed.

This year, I am struggling to find the time to do this deep cleaning I crave. As I reflect on what this block is, I realize that I really like where everything is right now. I don’t really want much to change. When I think about the past years where I went all out with my de-cluttering, I was ready for change…trying to manifest things quickly and willing to make big changes to facilitate movement.

This year, I find myself wavering on the thin line of attachment. I fell in love last year and wrote a book. These were 2 things my heart and soul focused on manifesting for a while. It is easy to fall into attachment in love and professionally when hard work bears fruit. But I don’t want to be attached to this time. I want to continue to grow and evolve.

I want my writing to bud new growth. I want my relationship to find a new level of connection. I want my friendships to grow deeper. I want my work to help more people.

All of these things require me to let go of anything that is no longer serving me. There is also a realization here that clearing out clutter does bring new and lovely things into my life. This practice must continue. I have no idea what is on the horizon, but now more than ever, I trust that universe hears.

Sitting with Gratitude

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I spoke with a dear friend on the phone about dreams come true. She had just received my book and was living in her new home. We had shared our dreams and struggles over the years and she mentioned how awesome it was that we both had manifested our desires.

I agreed, “It’s amazing, now we have to figure out what we want to manifest next.”

She replied, “I think I’m gonna sit in gratitude for a while with this one.”

I was blown away and humbled by her wisdom. She was so right. The work is done, and instead of continuing to strive, I need to take a breath and sit with the feeling of immense gratitude. My deepest desire of becoming an author has finally come to fruition. It’s time to give thanks and really feel the power of gratitude.

Gratitude is a daily practice for me, but stopping and sitting with it, is not. I am constantly striving, reaching and pushing. I am always looking forward and tend to forget to be present and really dwell. Mindfulness is an ongoing practice and as a recovering perfectionist, I try my best to stay present.

As far as I can remember, I have pushed myself against myself. I was always competing with myself in my mind and striving to achieve. Learning to sit in stillness began 10 years ago after my first bout with anxiety. The effects of the anxious spiral I allowed myself to enter were wearing heavy on my mind, body and soul. I was achieving, but very unhappy. Mindfulness and gratitude have changed my life and brain chemistry.

When the results of hard work occur, it is important to sit in gratitude for yourself, the process and the result.

Everything is an opportunity to be grateful. Taking the time to be still and really feel gratitude is a gift you can give to your heart.

As I take my dear friend’s advice, I am in awe of the opportunity and process that just took place. Now that I stand on the other side of this beautiful opportunity, my heart wells with gratitude. This is an awesome feeling and I definitely want to sit here for a while.

Worm Moon

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Spring is soon arriving! As the ground thaws after a long winter, the soil begins to aerate thanks to the movement of earthworms. Underneath, where no one can see their work, worms are creating a healthy environment for seeds and roots to take place.

Even before the eye can behold the plant, important inner work is being completed.

Tonight’s Worm Moon highlights the work that needs to be completed in our souls. Allow the light of the full moon to illuminate the places where you would like growth to take root. Clear out the soul clutter that has accumulated and create room for movement.

Soul clutter can look like the following:

  • Hurt Feelings
  • Resentments
  • Attachment
  • Expectations
  • Bitterness
  • Obsessive Thoughts

When we hold on to things that no longer serve us, we stunt our own growth and healing. Vibrancy radiates from the inside outward. Letting go revitalizes and gives space where restriction once occurred.

There have been several things in my own soul that have accumulated as clutter. I realized that I was unable to focus on the amazing things that are happening because I held on to single events that caused pain. By holding onto the new pain, I wasn’t being present for the new joy flowing into my life. I was caught off guard by the whirlwind that persisted through the calm of joy.

I had to decide to embrace the joy and let go of what was no longer serving me to fully appreciate the magnitude of what was happening in my life.

Soul clutter will numb the joy and even the sorrow. We can get so attached to the feeling of clutter that we don’t even realize we are holding on to something negative. It is like hoarding negative emotions; the more we ignore them, the more comfortable they become. In stillness, we can discover the places that need to be moved and aired out.

Here is a good way to locate the places that need clearing out:

  1. Sit in a quiet place and write down how you have been feeling lately. Notice how your body, mind and spirit feel. Take note on how your relationships have been functioning and how you relate to your physical environment.
  2. Write how you would like to feel in each area.
  3. Then note what keeps you from feeling or experiencing what you want to feel or experience. (These are the things you need to let go of.)
  4. Choose 1 or 2 things to let go of tonight. Allow yourself the next month to focus on letting go.
  5. Watch for new growth where there was once stagnation.
  6. Offer gratitude (every single day).

During a full moon, it is important to notice what no longer serves you. Think of the amount of light the moon is reflecting. Use this time to see all the places where clutter has been stored, release it and allow the moon’s light to illuminate the new space so what is meant to be there will find its way.

Stillness

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My mind goes a mile a minute. At any time of the day, I have at least 3 things going through my head. I am constantly trying to figure out, fix, plan or contemplate something. I used to pride myself on my brain’s capacity to multi-task until I realized that I was actually less effective in each task because I wasn’t giving each one the full attention it needed.

This whirlwind of activity also caused stress and anxiety when I couldn’t figure things out or when my plans didn’t go as expected. I knew something needed to change and this is when I started to recognize the power of stillness in the form of prayer, meditation and visualization.

I grew up in a home where prayers were said daily at the dinner table and at church. I knew that prayer was supposed to be my direct line to God. Although I thanked him for my food daily and asked for forgiveness for my mistakes, I never really felt connected. There were certain rules and a structure I was told to follow and as I prayed, I remember going through the checklist in my head to make sure my prayer was complete and all the boxes had been marked.

As an adult, I found my prayers becoming less structured and more free flowing. I left the checklist behind and allowed myself prayers of ecstasy to flow through me when I came upon something beautiful that took my breath away. I allowed prayers of desperation, full of run on sentences and tears when I felt at the end of my rope. I allowed prayers of gratitude that welled from my heart and gut when I just knew that sometimes the most normal things were the most amazing things.

The more I allowed myself to veer from the structured prayers of my youth, the more I felt connected to something greater than me. 

Connection was what I was craving. I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. I wanted to know that there was purpose to my existence and that my desires, worries and emotions were validated. The more I prayed, the more I felt connected to something greater than me.

Then, I started to practice meditation to calm my mind even deeper. I knew that prayer was effective, but I also wanted to learn how to still my mind and just allow my breath to course through me without the interruption of words.

At first, meditation was difficult for me to learn. I thought that I needed to get my mind completely still and that I would have mastered the practice once I could sit without a single thought or word enter my brain. But, I was wrong. I learned that meditation provides the space and time for stillness. Thoughts will come and go, but the key is to let them go.

Mediation taught me that thoughts will never cease, but my attachment can dissipate with practice.

Attachment to outcome and expectations is where a lot of pain is rooted. There is a myriad of possible what if and maybes but the important thing is coming back to the present moment. Meditation is a tool to bring presence into each day.

I enhanced my practice by visualizing the things that I wanted and the feelings I wanted to feel. If something was very important to me, I spent time seeing it as if it had already happened. This practice exercised my trust in the universe and brought a sense of peace. When I was able to see and feel what I prayed for and meditated on, I let go of my need to control and allowed whatever was meant to be happen in its own time.

Visualization released the vibrational energy into the universe saying: “I am ready to receive.” 

When I regularly practice stillness, my mind slows down and calm arrives. The need to control falls away as well as the anxiety attached to it. In fact, on the days when I don’t create stillness, I am off and quickly recognize the correlation. For me it is important to begin each day from a place of centering stillness. Stillness sets the stage for a dynamic day and calibrates the mind and body to be present and react less.

Here are some of my favorite meditation tools to jump start or end each day:

Calm (an app with lovely graphics, guided meditations and soothing sounds)

Headspace (another mindfulness app with options to focus on certain areas of life)

Deepak Chopra 21-Day Meditation Experience (free 4 times a year)

Moonlight Gratitude (my meditation book coming March 15th)

Introducing My First Book: Moonlight Gratitude

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“Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.” -Cheryl Strayed

I’ve had this quote above my desk for over 2 years. I would see it every day as I sat at my desk writing my heart out. I would visualize my book in my hands and seeing my name in print. I would go into bookstores and stand with my eyes closed imagining seeing my book on their tables and shelves.

My creative gestation clock was ticking loud and clear…I wanted to give birth to a book!

I spent most of 2015 sending book proposals out to literary agents and publishers with no luck. There were some responses. One even asked me to send the first 50 pages. That year was spent in a whirlwind of hoping, anxiety and creativity. By the end of the year I had felt rejected more that I cared to feel and put my manuscript away. I realized that I had lost the joy and passion and needed to take a break.

So, on January 1, 2016. I took a break from trying to get published and just focused on coaching and writing blog posts. I was happy to find my passion reignited and excited to spend time creating once again.

Then one day, January 27th to be exact, I received an email from the contact form on my website:

Hello I am an editorial director…I am looking for someone to work with to create a moonlight meditations book. If you would be interested in a project like this please email me at the above address. From reading through your website it seems like you would be a perfect fit.

I read it over and over. Was this real?! I googled the publisher and sure enough they were real. I couldn’t believe it!

My book’s birthday is March 15, 2017. It is beautiful and filled with words that came alive right below that quote that kept my hope alive. Snow Seychelle illustrated the cover and parts of the book with her beautiful underwater art. I am obsessed with whales and the moon and when I saw that the art included whales and the moon, I could not believe how perfect the pairing was. Everything came together so beautifully.

I wrote parts of the book in the desert, in mexico, at home, by the ocean and among the trees in Washington. I carried a notebook with me everywhere to capture inspiration as it came. And then one day, I had a finished manuscript and sent it off to be created.

My hope with this book is that at the end of the day, it can bring some calm and mindfulness. I suffered from insomnia throughout college and remember the anxiety of sleepless nights. I am grateful for that time because it gave me the empathy to write each passage.

Our trials can blossom into beautiful things.

I remember the day I saw my book on Amazon. I gasped. It was actually a real book. Then, last week I received an advanced copy. Finally holding the book was exciting and seeing my name on the cover was surreal. After so many years of dreaming, my dream came true and was in my hands.

You can find it on pre-sale at Barnes and Noble and Amazon. If you or anyone you know deals with daily stress, anxiety or lack of sleep, this book is meant to bring calm and mindfulness into your day. Please pre-order a copy today and share with friends.

Love and peace,

Emily

Snow Moon

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In the depths of winter, a stillness takes over. Snow falls, covering the ground like a blanket. All is white. Even sound is muffled by the snow’s insulation. Layers are worn to protect from the cold and keep warmth inside. The snow remains as long as the temperatures stay low. Winter is the time for shorter days and colder nights.

Snow provides a beautiful stillness.

Tonight is the full snow moon. The cold of winter has lingered and many of us have gone inward; into our homes and into our thoughts. We have put on layers to protect ourselves from the cold as well as emotional walls to keep others out. Some intentionally and other without a thought. Our defenses go up and keep things from getting in, muffling the voices and emotions that want to get through.

The snow moon is the time to notice where these walls are taking place, where the cold lingers and as a few important questions…

What is being muffled, muted or quieted?

  • Is it your voice trying to say the things your heart is dying to articulate?
  • Do you keep up a wall in order to protect your heart from being hurt?
  • Have past hurts caused a cooling down of your desires?

The beautiful thing about the snow is that underneath, growth is still occurring. In the spring, melted snow reveals that life goes on despite the cold. No matter what layer you have put on to insulate you from pain, growth is still taking place.

In order to recognize the transition, melting has to occur. Sometimes this can look like forgiveness, understanding or love. We may need to offer these to ourselves or to others. When forgiveness and love takes place, something melts. Hearts are opened and free to express. All the thoughts that swirl in our heads can lay to rest. There is no more room for bitterness, cold or judgment.

Understanding comes from opening the heart and mind.

Tonight is the perfect time to set an intention to allow melting to occur around the walls you have built. If there are emotions that need to be expressed, express them. If there are words that need to be said, say them, or journal them if your voice can’t find it’s way yet. If your desires have been quieted, do something to add heat in that area of your life and let the melting surface the buried passion.

Growth takes time. Beautiful, strong and vibrant plants are the ones that take root despite the hardships. Spring is coming and the snow is slowly melting. Allow growth to take place and feel the warmth permeate all areas of your heart.

Vibrancy

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Several years ago, I was driving down the street to work. The jacarandas were in bloom. There was a breeze creating a shower of beautiful, purple petals all the way down the street. At the end of the street was San Diego harbor. It was a dreamy morning. Everything was lined up to make beautiful day.

Everything except my energy. As I drove down the street, I felt the strangle of panic take over. My breathing became shallow and I started to hyperventilate. As I parked my car, tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t breathe. I allowed myself to sink deeper and deeper until I was paralyzed. I called in sick from the parking garage and drove home to cry.

Fast forward 6 years and I am driving down that same street and the conditions are exactly the same. I parked the car and stood underneath the sprinkle of jacaranda petals and smiled. The street was still the same. The trees were still offering their gift of beauty. The only thing that had changed was my mindset and the energy I was choosing to emit.

Think about how a lightbulb is able to shine. Energy flows through to emit light. The exchange of energy with a tiny filament can light an entire room. Cut off the energy and the room goes dim. That is amazing!

We too have the ability to allow energy to flow through us to emit vibrations that invite like towards us. For instance, the regular practice of gratitude creates more opportunities for gratitude. When we give love, it comes back. The same can be said with receiving gratitude and love. When we allow these vibrations to flow through us, we raise our frequency of vibration and therefore are more vibrant.

On the other hand, negative emotions can create the same effect within. A bad day can spiral into a bad week if we choose to dwell on it. The energy that it creates attracts things like commiseration, anxiety and stress. This is not to say that bad things won’t happen…but the energy we allow to flow through us will either brighten or dull our vibrancy.

To live a vibrant life, one has to look at the mind, body and soul. Our minds have great power over us and when we live and react from the mind, we tend to try to rationalize everything. This is where anxiety can take over. If there isn’t an answer or timeline we can create meanings which spiral into beliefs which then create like energy.

The same goes for our body. What we put into it and how we treat it creates vibrational energy that we emit. For instance, the feeling after eating a fresh salad as opposed to a greasy cheeseburger. Its no surprise that eating foods with higher vibrational energy like plants help make us feel more vibrant and energetic.

Finally our soul is our storehouse of energy. This is where vibrancy resides. Creating a routine where there is a connection to the soul is important to nurturing a vibrant life. Books, prayer, meditation, walks in nature, writing, art and stillness all have the power to connect us to our soul and create positive energy.

To create a more vibrant and energetic life, here are 10 things that will help raise the your vibrations and nurture vibrancy:

  1. Exercise
  2. Daily morning routine where you connect to your soul (it can be as short or as long as you like, just take the time to connect.)
  3. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables. Plants have high vibrational energy.
  4. Spend time in nature
  5. Smile
  6. Practice gratitude daily. Name 3 things you are grateful for every day. Write it down
  7. Take time to connect with loved ones.
  8. Breathe
  9. Be careful of what you take in. Think about how you feel after reading or watching something. If you notice that something brings you down, ask yourself: “Is this necessary for me to continue to consume?”
  10. Give of your time and/or resources to help others.

There is a beautiful thing that happens when we start to shine our lights more vibrantly: we light up what was once dark. When we choose to operate from a higher frequency, everything, including you seems more vibrant. This is because the vibration is actually opening the mind and eyes to what has been in front of us all along.

So This is Love

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One year ago, I went on my first date with the man I fell in love with. I had given up on falling in love as the 2016 New Year began. I gave dating it’s fair shot and found myself disappointed more times than I cared to think about. After years of dating (online, set-ups, apps…) I was ready to throw in the towel and date my passport.

During a discussion with a friend who was newly dating someone she found amazing, I told her that I would spend the year single and just focusing on my work and adventure.

“Just give it one more try.” she encouraged. “You have to keep putting yourself out there even through the disappointment.” I told her that I would think about it and maybe try.

I was scared to put my heart out there again and started to feel the comfort of solitude once more. Was this idea really worthwhile?

When I stepped back from the situation, I realized that I needed to get crystal clear on what I wanted. I saw that my expectations created a sense of control that was actually just causing stress. I wanted to intentionally put myself out there and create the heart space for love to reenter.

So this is what I did:

  • I made a list of what I really wanted and what was the most important and started to visualize this man. At first, I thought it was a joke, but the more I dug deep into what I really wanted, I could actually see and feel it happening.
  • I worked on emulating what I desired. (loving, open, compassionate…)
  • I made sure that if I agreed to go on a date, it would only be if the person seemed to align with this vision.
  • I let go of expectations…This is a big one. Letting go when the heart is involved is so so hard!
  • I trusted that the universe knew exactly who I needed in my life.

That was it. I made this decision and on January 27th, I went on a date with the most amazing man I have ever met.

Something inside of me calmed down after our first encounter. It wasn’t until a few months later that I realized my heart had found a home. 

When I think back on all the struggles, heartaches and tears, I see that I was pushing something to happen that I wasn’t really clear on. With clarity and intentional focus, everything else cleared away. There was no question or anxiety when it came to him and we came together naturally.

Getting to know and falling in love with him has been one of  the greatest adventures of my life. When I decided that I was going to get clear on what I wanted, I opened my eyes, mind and heart to whatever that would be.

I wrote this to give hope. I waited 35 years to find my person. I speak to women all the time in coaching sessions wondering when love will find them. I did not expect to find a man on a little app who happened to have the same values as me.

Don’t give up hope! When we talked about how we met, we realized that we both did the same thing to manifest each other. He had a list and visualized it too. I could not believe it. What you seek is seeking you.

When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.

-Rumi

I kept this quote close to my heart during my years of searching. So for any of you who wonder “WHEN?!” I hope this brings some peace to the “furnace” of anxiety. Get specific (I can’t say this enough) and then let go of control. He’s out there…and so are you. Find your place of patience and allow love to flow. There is peace on the other side of the struggle.

And to my lovely, intentional man: thank you for manifesting, visualizing and showing me that love is effortless and amazing with the right person.

XO